Anti Monkey Butt Powder

So Big Daddy is watching the Speed Channel or something like that. And a commercial for this came on:

I think I shot a green bean out my nose.

Click here to buy some.

RC Cooler

Somebody asked Big Daddy at work today if he could make one of these coolers. He's handy like that. I could make one that would bitch-slap the man when it took him his drink.

Stain, Stain, Go Away

This is a picture of our front door. Shorty is scared to death of it. She's not actually scared of the door, but the huge stain on it. She says it's a monster. She said, "See, it's a monster. It's got one eye. It looks like Muno."

She is hilarious.

And Then The Fight Started

I rear-ended a car this morning.

So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.

You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?

Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'

So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'

And then the fight started.....

********************

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive.... so, I took her to a gas station.....

And then the fight started....

*********************

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.

I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.

And then the fight started.. ...

**************************

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked,' Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My goodness!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started.....


Thanks, Martha

Rodent Factory? Huh?

I was browsing through the Star Telegram last night - online, of course - when I saw this article:

Fort Worth panel backs rodent factory expansion

First thing that came to mind was, What the hell is a rodent factory? Is it some kind of sweat shop where little mice are making shoes? Are there little rats running around wearing lab coats? Hamsters running on wheels creating some form of energy? What the hell is a rodent factory? Seriously, what the hell is a rodent factory?

So I did a little research and I found this:

The Big Cheese Rodent Factory

Their home page says:
"Breeder of superior quality frozen feeder mice and rats. Our rodents are fed the highest quality rodent chow, which contains natural rodents foods. We vacuum pack our product to preserve nutrients, moisture and freshness . This process also extends the freezer life of the rodents by reducing freezer burn. Your complete satisfaction is guaranteed."

Under the our products section, one of the bullet points says this:
"Rodents are humanely euthanized and blast frozen to maximize freshness"

You can buy mice: A small or large pinky, fuzzy, hopper, etc.

Or rats: Pinky, fuzzy, pups, weaned, jumbo, colossal, etc.

So my only question now is, What the hell is a rodent factory?