I Might Only Be 1/16 Redneck

After watching a few episodes of My Big Redneck Wedding, I've come to the conclusion that I might only be 1/16 redneck. That's less than a half, right?

Which Came First, The Wheel Or The Handbrake?

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Now That I'm Older...

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Chest Hair Shirt

This is a work of art of the artist Van Beirendonck, on display in a Museum in the Netherlands.

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This, however, is a redneck.

Super Cows

These are the Belgian Blue, the cows that look like they have been bodybuilding all their lives. This race has been genetically enhanced, by reducing the myostatin gene, which is a negative regulator of muscle mass. The cows get bigger, gaining muscle mass and producing more beef.

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Makes you want some bacon, doesn't it?

Mysterious 'ghostly' face of child appears in mobile phone photo of teen pals

The eerie image - clear enough to show a pair of eyes, a nose, a mouth and hair - was captured by 17-year-old Matthew Summers on his mobile phone as he and his friends were preparing to go out.

Go here to see a close-up and read the whole story.

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Tree Swing

Now this is my kind of tree swing.

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Jay Leno Interviews

Pickles

Click For Bigger

Thanks, Martha

What's Your Best Quality?

What's Your Best Quality? Your Result: Loving   Your best quality is loving! People like you because of your loving nature. You are a nice person that cares about others. Your loving nature makes you a good friend.
Personality
Sense of Humor
Ambitious
Intelligence
Out-Going
What's Your Best Quality? Take More Quizzes

Government Health Warning

DO NOT SWALLOW BUBBLE GUM


Thanks, Martha

Guts & Balls

Guts and Balls - The Medical Distinction

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below:

GUTS -
Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS -
Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: "You're next."

Medically speaking, there is no difference. Both result in death.

Thanks, Martha

One Texan's Opinions

This guy needs an award for being an honest politician.

T. B. Bechtel, a part-time City Councilman from Midland, TX, was asked on a local live radio talk show, just what he thought of the allegations of torture of the Iraqi prisoners.

His reply prompted his ejection from the studio, but to thunderous applause from the audience.

'If hooking up an Iraqi prisoner's balls to a car's battery cables will save one Texas GI's life, then I have just three things to say,

'Red is positive'
'Black is negative'
'Make sure his balls are wet.'


Thanks, Martha

Idiot Sightings

Sorry I haven't posted anything lately - I've been sick. Just got back from the doctor who is treating me as if I had pneumonia. After I told her everyone in my house was sick, she gave me a prescription for some kind of flu medicine - so I have no idea what I have. I just know I'm sick of having it.


IDIOT SIGHTING:

We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a "large" enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, "Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower." I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, "NO, it's not." Four is larger than two.."

We haven't used Sears repair since.

IDIOT SIGHTING

My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, "you gave me too much money." I said, "Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back." She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said "We're sorry but they could not do that kind of thing." The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.
Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.


IDIOT SIGHTING:

I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."

From Kingman , KS .



IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE:

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.

From Kansas City


IDIOT SIGHTING:

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded,
"That's why we ask."

Happened in Birmingham , Ala.


IDIOT SIGHTING:

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"

She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS


IDIOT SIGHTING:

At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the company due to "downsizing." Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often." Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.


IDIOT SIGHTING:

I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.

A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.


When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open!" His reply, "I know. I already got that side."

This was at the Ford dealership in Canton , Mississippi

Thanks, Martha

Birth Order Of Your Children

Your Clothes:

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.

2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.

3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
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Preparing for the Birth:

1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.

2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.

3rd baby: You ask for an epidermal in your eighth month.
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The Clothing:

1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.

2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.

3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
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Worries:

1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.

2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.

3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.
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Dummy (Pacifier) :

1st baby: If the dummy falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.

2nd baby: When the dummy falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.

3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.
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Nappies (Diapers) :

1st baby: You change your baby's nappies every hour, whether they need it or not.

2nd baby: You change their nappy every two to three hours, if needed.

3rd baby: You try to change their nappy before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.

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Activities:

1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.

2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.

3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.
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Going Out:

1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.

2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.

3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
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At Home:

1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.

2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.

3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
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Swallowing Coins (a favourite):

1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.

2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.

3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his pocket money!

Thanks, Martha

Winter Poem

I found this beautiful winter poem and thought it might be a comfort to you. It was to me, and it's very well written.


"WINTER" a poem by Abigail Elizabeth McIntyre


"SHIT, It's Cold!"

The End

Local High School Kids On Disney Channel Tonight

The kids from my old high school, Western Hills, will be on the Disney Channel tonight starring in their rendition of High School Musical.

Here's the story from the Star Telegram:

Put away your iPod and get off the computer.

Well, at least for 30 minutes this evening.

Students from Western Hills and Arlington Heights high schools will make their television debut today on the Disney Channel.

Several months ago, a Disney film crew dropped anchor in Fort Worth to film a documentary about the two schools producing their version of High School Musical, Disney's megahit.

Crews documented the auditions, rehearsals and performances as Fort Worth students poured their blood, sweat and tears into the joint production.

For several years, Western Hills and Arlington Heights have combined talents and resources on a musical collaboration they call H2O, or Hills-Heights Operation. H2O was one of six school companies considered nationwide for the High School Musical documentary.

It will be broadcast at 7 p.m.