Saturday, November 10, 2007

Why No One Swims In The Trinity River

There may be a new State alligator record.

Lufkin, TEXAS

Man and three friends bag 880-pound, 13-foot, 101/2-inch-long gator near Trinity
The Lufkin Daily News
Monday, September 24, 2007

They say everything's bigger in Texas , and apparently alligators are no exception.

A Lufkin man and three of his friends have a potential state record on their hands after capturing a gargantuan gator Friday morning near Trinity.

From left to right, Justin Wells, Jarret Hanus, Tom Bass and Ryan Haltom pose in Trinity with their 880-pound gator that measured 13 feet, 10 1/2 inches long.

Justin Wells of Lufkin , Tom Bass of Dallas, Jarrett Hanus of Spring and Ryan Haltom of Houston set the baits together Thursday night at the Gospel Ranch, which is about five miles outside of Trinity.

"It was the experience of a lifetime, and I'm glad (Ryan) took me out there on it," said Wells, a Lufkin High School graduate and SFA forestry student. "I don't think we'll ever catch one bigger than that."

"We'd gotten word back in the spring time that there was a big gator out there," said Haltom, a wildlife biologist and land management consultant, "so me and Tommy had gone out there several times and scouted and seen quite a bit of gator activity and videotapes of gators."

Ranch manager Larry Denson had spotted the big gator, prompting them to get tags for the season, and Thursday night was just "kind of a last-minute deal before the season was over," Haltom said.

Using the hook-and-line method, the group anchored a rope to a tree, left enough rope so the gator could run with it, and hung a 14-ought treble hook about a foot above the water with their own "secret recipe of chicken and some other stuff."

"We can't let too many secrets out of the bag," Haltom said.

When they showed up Friday morning, they had a line in the water, but when they started pulling on it, it was tangled. Not knowing whether the gator was dead or alive, the four slowly made their way through the 6- to 7-foot-deep water to untangle the gator and tie some ropes around him to drag him out. But they quickly discovered it wasn't going to be that easy.

"He drowned himself," Wells said. "We believe he just dove underneath the water and got tangled up in a stump, and gators have to come up for air every 15 minutes, so we were pretty sure he was dead, but we still weren't sure."

"Once we figured out he was dead and he wasn't going to get us," Haltom said, "we started diving down and feeling on him and we realized he was big. We could stand on top of him and we were head and shoulders above the water. That's when we knew he had to be a big guy.

"The scales kind of change. On his belly there's big, slick scales, or tiles, and as you get toward their mouth it gets into some softer leather, and we got to feeling around and thought, 'OK, this is his mouth.' But when we got to tying him up, we realized it wasn't his mouth — it was his leg."

They broke a 400-pound test rope before realizing that "a truck and a rope wouldn't do it," eventually enlisting the help of a tractor and some chains to finally get the gator out of the water. Next it was off to ranch headquarters to clean him up, hang him for a measurement by Texas Parks and Wildlife, then place him in the bed of a truck filled with ice for the trip to the taxidermist for a full life-size mount.

"You couldn't tell what we had in the bed of the truck because we had a ton of ice on him," Haltom said. "We went and cleaned Brookshire Brothers out. We had 400 pounds of ice on him."

"I get excited right now just thinking about it," Haltom said. "When I reached down there and grabbed that claw and we got to looking at each other, we were jumping around, high-fiving, and we were actually saying the words, 'state record.'"

The gator wound up weighing in at 13 feet, 101/2 inches long and 880 pounds. And while they don't know yet whether their gator is an official state record — "Until I see it on a piece of paper from Parks and Wildlife, I'm just going to say it's a potential," Haltom said — the guys had some heavy celebrating to take care of over the weekend.

"We immediately drove to Houston and went to Beeville to go dove hunting and celebrate," Haltom said. "And we were tired puppies, let me tell you.

"It's going to be in the record books. We just don't know if it's going to be the state (hook-and-line) record."

"Not knowing what we were getting into when we were walking into the water, it was an adrenaline rush," Wells said, "and when we finally figured out how big it was, you just can't even describe the feeling."

Although Haltom said the four set the baits together and worked to get the gator out, Bass will be written down as the hunter. Once the mount is done, the guys intend to donate it to a museum or find some place to display it.

Feed The Darn Cat

I thought I had already posted this once before, but I searched through some of the older posts and I can't find it, so here we go:

Thanks, Papa Rooster

How Long Can You Hold Your Breath?

Friday, November 9, 2007

Nortex Electronics - RIP Mr. Cearly, Jr.

I cannot believe I just read about this man's passing on Boing Boing. Papa Rooster was a frequent visitor of Nortex Electronics. I had the pleasure of going with him one day and meeting this nice man, Lewis E. Cearly, Jr.

There is no way I could put into words how his store, Nortex Electronics, was organized. I have no idea how Mr. Cearly knew where anything was in this store, but he knew exactly where every single item was kept. I got the pleasure of talking to him about his background in the audio/visual field. What a nice man he was, and so full of information. He will be missed by many.

Nortex Electronics

Christmas Tree Hairbow Clip

What a cute idea. Will I be making one of these? Probably not. Will I be wishing I made one of these come about December 25th? Probably so. Am I a procrastinator? Most definitely.

Christmas Tree Hairbow Clip--Step By Step Instruction - The World's Biggest Show & Tell - craft, diy

foldschool - cardboard furniture

Forgive me, but I thought I posted this a long time ago, which I didn't. I must warn you that I left a honey-do list for Papa Rooster when we went to Arkansas a few months ago and figuring out how to make one of these cardboard pieces of furniture was on that list. He informed me when we got home that it would have taken about 100 pieces of paper to print out the pattern, so needless to say, it didn't get made.
foldschool - cardboard furniture

Recovering Soldiers & Christmas Cards

I received this in an email from my sister. Seems like a great idea.

"This request came from the wife of one of our heroic vets...

When doing your Christmas cards this year, take one card and send it to this address. If we pass this on and everyone sends one card, think of how many cards these wonderful special people who have sacrificed so much would get."

A Great Idea!!!

When you are making out your Christmas card list this year, please include the following:

A Recovering American soldier
c/o Walter Reed Army Medical Center
6900 Georgia Avenue, NW
Washington,D.C. 20307-5001

Photos from film found in thrift store cameras

What a cool idea - wish the link worked.

"Bert says: "I read a local Maine newspaper article about a guy who, over many years, collected rolls of undeveloped film from cameras found in antique stores. He finally had them developed and ended up with several hundred images that he's placed online." Link

Photos from film found in thrift store cameras - Boing Boing

I have no idea if this is the same set of pictures or not, but nevertheless, here's some more pics from cameras bought in thrift stores.

50% Clothing @

Ends 11/12/07.

Creative Kidstuff - Holiday 2007 Catalog

I have never ordered anything from this store, but they have some neat stuff.

Holiday 2007 Catalog

A Sweet Grandmother

A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph 's Hospital. She timidly asked,
"Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"

The operator said, "I'll be glad to help, dear."

"What's the name and room number?"

The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said, "Norma Findlay, Room

The operator replied, "Let me place you on hold while I check with her

After a few minutes the operator returned to the phone and said, "Good news.
Her nurse has told me that Norma is doing very well. Her blood pressure is
Fine. Her blood work just came back as normal, and her physician, Dr. Cohen,
Has scheduled her to be discharged Tuesday".

The grandmother said, "Thank you. That's wonderful! I was so worried.

God bless you for the good news."

The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?"

The grandmother said, "No, I'm Norma Findlay in 302. No one tells me shit."

Thanks, Mom

Plow & Hearth Free Shipping - Entire Site, No Minimum!

Ends 11/13/07. Use code STAR when placing order to get free shipping.

I just glanced at their clearance section, and their prices are sky high if you ask me. I like the tree umbrella stand, but for $79.99 I think I'll pass. But if you've got big bucks and want to spend it, spend away.

AC Slatering - What The Hell?

First of all, AC Slater was Mario Lopez, not the blonde guy sitting backwards on the chair. That guy is Zach. Don't ask me how I know that, people.

Second of all, I'd really like to know if men go shoo-wee in the potty while they're facing the wall. I'll have to ask Papa Rooster about that one. I'm sure he'll look at me like I'm about half retarded or something, but that's okay...I'm used to that.

Thirdly (is that a word?) -- anyway, thirdly, I cannot watch Grover on Sesame Street without thinking of Screech. Has anyone else noticed the resemblance of Grover and Screech? Look at this:

What's really disturbing is the last video clip I saw of "Screech" was a clip of his sex tape "Saved By The Smell." So now every time I see poor little Grover, I think of -- ahhh, never mind. I might be in serious need of therapy.

Anyway, here's the story from Camel Tap:

EMBARASSING- GF’s mom caught me AC Slatering!

Guys this is probably the most embarassing thing that has ever happened to me. I was at my girlfriends house tonight for dinner, and shortly after i had to go #2. My Gf’s brother was in the downstairs bathroom, so i went upstairs to use the master bathroom. I was about to take a dump, and I remembered something my friend told me called AC Slatering. AC Slatering is when you take a dump facing backwards on the toilet, just how on saved by the bell AC Slater always sat backwards on a chair. So when I was taking a dump, My stomache was facing the back of the toilet, and my back was facing the door. I heard footsteps coming up the stairs, and began to get nervous. Since AC SLatering is a tough position to get into, it requires taking off your pants. So there I am sitting in my GF’s parents bathroom taking a dump with my pants off and facing the wrong way on the toilet. My dump was about halfway out when the footsteps became closer. I then turned around to see that I had not locked the door. Trying to finish as quickly as I could, I began pushing harder and harder. Suddenly, the door opened, and my gf’s mom stood there in shock staring at me. We made eye contact for a split second, and I was so embarassed I wanted to die. I quickly finished up, got dressed, and ran out of the house as quickly as I could. I am expecting my gf to break up with me tommorow. I am so embarassed and I hope my gf doesnt blabber about this, Ill die if anyone else finds out.

Via: Camel Tap

Itsy Bitsy Yoga

I thought toddlers stretched and put themselves in odd and unnatural positions on their own accord. Am I confused? Wonder what they charge for this?

"Yoga is a big business in United States, but it’s hard to get adults to stretch and put themselves in odd and unnatural positions. So that’s why Helen Garabedian’s idea is so brilliant: 1) young children are an untapped market for yoga, and 2) they do all those yoga poses all the time anyhow!"

"Let’s start with a little centering," Blythe Berube Rowan says, and even those with a less-than-Seinfeldian sense of irony can find humor in this, as we are surrounded by manic munchkins speeding around the dance studio floor."

"Breathe in," Berube instructs as my 3-year-old daughter catapults onto my back. "Breathe out." (Indeed.)

"Other children, wondering why all these grown women are on the floor, arrive in time to witness lion pose – mamas sticking their tongues out, widening their eyes and, basically, roaring. A few roar along. There is laughter."

"Yoga or not, seems like the little squirts are having fun! Link (photo: Steve Zylius, The Orange County Register) - Thanks Julie Anne I!"

Via: Neatorama » Blog Archive » Itsy Bitsy Yoga

Light-Emitting Wallpaper

"This is cool: Jonas Samson has created a light-emitting wallpaper that you can use as a light source instead of a lamp. Or you can just marvel at the glowing design. When the wallpaper is turned "off" it is indistinguishable as a source of light."

Via: Neatorama » Blog Archive » Light Emitting Wallpaper

Redneck Menagerie

Thanks, Gretch

People With the Highest IQ - One Mans Blog

I'm obviously not on that list.

The Massive List of Genius - People With the Highest IQ - One Mans Blog

Via: Presurfer

Is It A Toy Or A Person?

Thursday, November 8, 2007

15 awesome uses for aluminum foil

The only one I knew was you could sharpen scissors by cutting aluminum foil.

15 awesome uses for aluminum foil - DIY Life

Via: Linkfilter

In Pictures: World’s 15 Strangest Holidays

Nobsa, Colombia: International Poncho Day
Designed to promote the work of local artisans who weave traditional wool ponchos, the parade and festival are a relatively new celebration.

14 Other Strange Holidays Here: In Pictures: World’s 15 Strangest Holidays Healthy Living Blog

Via: Linkfilter

Jeff Dunham With Achmed, The Dead Terrorist

Thanks, KC

Not a Chupacabra...It's A Coyote

"Earlier this year in Texas a woman found the carcass of a hairless dog-like animal that she thought might be living…erm…excuse me… dead proof of the evil creature of Mexican urban legend, the chupacabra."

"Unfortunately, according to biologists at Texas State University, the remains are merely those of a coyote. Better luck next time folks. Remember, there’s always Sasquatch and the Yeti, not to mention Nessie down in Loch Ness. True believers, keep the dream alive!"

"The results are in: The ugly, big-eared animal found this summer in Cuero is not the mythical bloodsucking chupacabra. It’s just a plain old coyote."

More Here: Not a Chupacabra

A Quick Thinker

That last post about Tonto reminded me of this joke I heard a long time ago:

A man boards an airplane and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees a most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes she is heading straight towards his seat.

A wave of nervous anticipation washes over him. Lo and behold, she takes the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurts out, "Business trip or vacation?". She turns, smiles and says, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniac Convention in Chicago."

Whoa!!! He swallows hard and is instantly crazed with excitement. Here's the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, sitting RIGHT next to him and she's going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!

Struggling to maintain his outward cool, he calmly asks, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she says, "I use my experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really," he says, swallowing hard, "what myths are those?"

"Well," she explains, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed when, in fact, it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent. I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."

Suddenly, the woman becomes very embarrassed and blushes. "I'm sorry," she says, "I shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name!".

"Tonto," the man says as he extends his hand. "Tonto Goldstein, but back home my friends call me Bubba."

The Lone Ranger & Tonto

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.

Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabe, look towards sky; what you see?" The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a
quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?"

"You dumber than buffalo shit. Someone stole tent."

Thanks, Mom

Beautiful But Deadly –The Top Ten Poisonous Plants

I knew about oleander, but I didn't know about the other nine.

10. Narcissus
9. Rhododendron
8. Ficus
7. Oleander
6. Chrysanthemum
5. Anthurium
4. Lily-Of-The-Valley
3. Hydrangea
2. Foxglove
1. Wisteria

Go here to see pictures and to read what these plants can do to you: GREEN MAGAZINE: Beautiful But Deadly –The Top Ten Poisonous Plants

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Alaskan Christmas Party

Tom had been in the liquor business for 25 years. Finally, sick of the stress he
quit his job and bought 50 acres of land in Alaska far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet.

After six months, or so, of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there.

"Name's Lars; your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Having a Christmas party Friday night. Thought you might like to come. About 5:00."

"Great", says Tom, "after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you."

As Lars is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn some drinkin'."

"Not a problem" says Tom. "After 25 years in the liquor business, I can drink with the best of 'em."

Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. "More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin' too"

"Well, I get along with most people, so I'll be all right. I'll be there, thanks

"More'n likely be some wild sex, too,"

"Now that's really not a problem either" says Tom, warming to the idea, "I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear?"

"Don't much matter .... Just gonna be the two of us."

Thanks, Mom

What Does Your Handwriting Say About You?

What Your Handwriting Says About You

You are a fairly energetic person. You know how do pace yourself, and you deal well with stress.

You are somewhat outgoing, but you're not a natural extrovert. You think first before you act. You tend to be independent, rational, and logical.

You are balanced and grounded. You know how to get along well with others.

You need a bit of space in your life, but you're not a recluse. You expect people to give you a small amount of privacy, and you respect their privacy as well.

You are conservative, old fashioned, and a little stubborn. You are resistant to change.

You are a decent communicator. You eventually get your point across, but sometimes you leave things a bit ambiguous.

Paul Potts

Via: Outhouse Rag

Torn by Johan Lippowitz with Natalie Imbruglia

That's My Home Mime

I normally hate mimes, but this guy cracks me up.

Via: Bits & Pieces

Alligator Plant

Have y'all ever seen one of these? We went to a sale at the senior center while we were in Mena last weekend and they were giving these away. This is a picture of my mom's, but mine is just about as huge.

Bud Light Cockatoo

The Homeless Woman

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago", the homeless woman told me.

"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" I asked.

"No, I don't waste time shopping," the homeless woman said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" I asked.

"Are you NUTS !" replied the homeless woman. " I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!"

"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you the money.
Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight."

The homeless Woman was shocked. "Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

I said, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine."

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

T'was The Night Before Christmas - Redneck Style

Get in the holiday spirit - you can thank me later.
(This is just an audio clip - there's no video.)

You Ain't Getting Shit For Christmas

In the spirit of the upcoming holiday season, here's a song for you.

Anne Taintor " Rat's Ass Coin Purse

Anne Taintor " Rat's Ass Coin Purse
Coin Purse Reads: Old Enough to Know Better....too young to give a Rat's Ass
-Cost: $8.95

Anne Taintor " Rat's Ass Coin Purse - Coin Purses Anne Taintor Gifts - Oop!
Before I fill up this whole page with posts of products you can buy from, why don't you just head on over there yourself and buy some things.

Inflatable Husband Kit

This is funny. I like the last bullet point.

Inflatable Husband Kit
The Inflatable Husband is a low maintenance partner for a stress-free, easy life. 100 centimeters of pure dominating pleasure. Includes a user manual and packaged in a handy carrying box.
Cost: $16.95

Inflatable Husband Kit - just for fun Under $25 - Oop!

Pylones Tissue Cover

Pylones Tissue Cover
These tissue covers feature a plastic sleeve with a photo of a child within, and a 3-dimensional detail. The pictures inside can be removed and your own child’s picture can be inserted ! Tissues come out through the big red nose!
Cost: $12.95

Pylones Tissue Cover - just for fun Under $25 - Oop!

A Flask For Her!

A Flask For Her!
"How much fun can I have before I go to hell?"
Stainless steel flasks come stylishly packaged with a funnel - each in it's own gift box that coordinates with the flask's artwork. Approx. 7 oz.
Cost: $29.95

A Flask For Her! - Gifts For Her Gifts - Oop!

Via: Rare Bird Finds

Boy, Git In The Truck...

I don't know why, but I feel compelled to share this hilarious story. This happened probably about ten years ago. I was at my first husband's mother's house (yes, I've been married twice - get over it, people). Anyway, I was sitting outside smoking a cigarette (yes, I smoke- not proud of that, but get over that too). I was sitting outside smoking and my -- this is going to be very hard to explain -- my step-sister-in-law's husband comes outside along with his son who was about 9 years old at the time. We'll call the step-sister-in-law's husband Bubba. Anyway, Bubba sits down in a lawn chair across from me while his son, Bubba Junior, walks around the yard kicking at rocks or something because he's extremely bored. Bubba and I shoot the breeze for a while.

It's at this point that Bubba Junior proceeds to hop on a bicycle that belonged to my then sister-in-law's daughter who was about 5 at the time. The bicycle was, of course, bright pink. I think it even had a white basket on the front with little plastic flowers on it. There's the typical pretty shiny streamers flowing from the handlebars. So picture this 9-year-old boy riding around the driveway perched on top of this very girlie bike that is way too small for him.

Bubba Junior rides the little bike over to where his dad and I are talking. Without missing a beat, Bubba looks at Bubba Junior and says, "Boy, git in the truck. We're goin' to Wal-Mart to git you some panties." I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in my life. I hope this isn't one of those stories where you just had to be there to think it was funny. If you could have just heard Bubba's very southern accent, you would have fell over laughing too.

The Woman With The Odd Hair

Ms. Mau’s hair lies like a python on her shoulders. When she dropped it down, the hair swept the ground. Looking from behind, the hair looks like a small papoose, swinging after each move of the woman.

The odd story about this hair commenced on the night of December 15, 1990 (lunar calendar). Ms. Mau remembers very clearly that night, with bright moonlight. That night, she couldn’t sleep well. She had just a wink of sleep when delirium came.

The Full Story Here: VietNamNet Bridge


Another Problem

I have no earthly idea what is going on, but I cannot get my blog to load. Is anyone else having this problem? I don't know if the problem is with Feedburner or with Blogger.

David Letterman (Alan Kalter's Celebrity Interview)

Via: Across The Board

Monday, November 5, 2007

Customized Guitar Pick

Choose a photo, quote, monogram, whatever, and they’ll put it on a guitar pick. Way cooler than the customized mouse pad you were pondering.
$11 at The Guthrie Thomas Company

Via: Mighty Goods: Customized Guitar Pick


"Slip-on shoes are incredibly convenient, but of course, they don't always provide much support or padding. These sets of individual elastic bands convert standard lace-ups to slip-ons. Each band has triangular-shaped anchors to keep them from slipping out of the eyelets. The bands can be tricky to squeeze through, but once they're in, they stay put in my experience. They're available in three sizes (small - large, depending on the desired fit) and a variety of colors, including fun neons (!) but also white and black if your step doesn't need the added flash. It's really a wonder no one thought to invent these sooner. After a friend gave me a set, I salvaged a pair of running shoes from the back of my closet. Call me lazy, but because I can easily kick 'em off and slip 'em on, they're the only shoes I wear on the weekend."

Golaces - $10
Available from Golaces

[Golaces are currently sold out, but the manufacturer says they should be back in stock a few weeks from today (Nov. 5, 2007)]

Cool Tool: Golaces

9 creative staircases

9 creative staircases « deputydog

Sprint Waitless

Turn tedious tasks into fleeting moments with Sprintcuts - tips that'll refund your time and amaze your friends.

The Presurfer: Sprint Waitless

Most air fresheners can cause health problems, report says

As if we didn't have enough to worry about...

"Most air fresheners can cause health problems, report says
E/The Environmental Magazine

Febreze Air Effects was one of two air fresheners that do not contain phthalates, the NRDC says. An estimated 75 percent of homes regularly use air fresheners. According to a September report released by the Natural Resources Defense Council, most common household air fresheners contain potentially noxious chemicals that degrade the quality of indoor air and may even affect hormones and reproductive development, particularly in babies."

More Here: 11/03/2007 Most air fresheners can cause health problems, report says

From the Desk of a Bad Ass Stamp

I'd tell you to go order one, but they're sold out. I'm sure they'll get more in, so keep an eye out.

Baby Toolkit: Cardboard Kitchen Update: Plans now available

Plans are only $7. This is too cool.

Baby Toolkit: Cardboard Kitchen Update: Plans now available

Via: Parent Hacks

11 phenomenal images of earth


This is cool. Go vectorize your own pics here: VectorMagic
Via: Presurfer

Momspit - No Rinse Cleanser for Hands & Face

Problem: Milk moustache.
Solution: Momspit.
Momspit (inspired by the original) is the universal no-rinse cleanser. It’s not a sanitizer and does not contain any alcohol. In fact, it’s gentle enough to use on your face. Momspit foams for easy application, eliminates dirt and grime, and leaves skin moisturized and yummy smelling. It’s the perfect thing to throw in your purse, place on your desk, or keep in your car. To use: Apply a small amount on hands or face and rub in completely. No rinse needed.
2 oz. - $9
7 oz. - $18
Momspit - No Rinse Cleanser for Hands & Face - SHOPINTUITION

Via: Presurfer


I love funny sayings or maybe not so funny sayings. Maybe poignant sayings is a better term. Who the hell knows what I'm trying to say? I sure as hell don't. Maybe you'll figure out the correct terms I'm looking for when you read these lines.

From the 2006 Farmers Almanac:
"The best way to make a dream come true is to wake up."

"A lot of our troubles is caused by too much bone in the head and not enough in the back."

From The Polk County Pulse:
"The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along well is that they have a common enemy."

From the wonderful book I just finished reading, "Gap Creek":
"As I scrubbed the floor I was scrubbing part of the world. And I was scrubbing my mind to make it clear. It was work that made me think clear, and it was work that made me humble. I could never talk fast, and I could never say what I meant to people, or tell them what they meant to me. My tongue was never loosened by my feelings. It was with my hands and with my back and shoulders that I could say how I felt. I had to talk with my arms and my strong hands."

"There ain't nothing special about your troubles."

"If only good people could get to heaven then there wouldn't hardly be anybody there."

"...he knowed as well as I did it was better to sing with others than to stand off silent by yourself."

While in the midst of child labor - "This is my work, I thought. This is work only I can do. This is work meant for me from the beginning of time. And this is work leading through me in an endless chain of people all the way to the end of time. Other women have done their work down the course of the years, and now it's my turn. There's nothing to do but take hold of the pain and wrestle with it. It was not a choice to give in."

After the birth of the baby - "This is what leads to everything else."

"Time can't end, for what would follow would be time too."

"There's nothing that makes you feel as helpless as a baby that's sick. It's your job to do something about it, but you don't know what."

Noah Count's Horoscope For Virgo, The Virgin

Virgo, the Virgin
August 23 to September 23

Noah Count's Horoscope

News From Hogspore - How To Tell If She Doesn't Want To Date You

While we were up in Mena, I picked up The Polk County Pulse newspaper and found this hilarious article written by Clet Litter via Bob Simpson. I was happy to find there's a website where you can find funny articles as well. Go check this site out, but read this first. There's a link to the website at the bottom of this story.

News from Hogspore

I'm Back

I guess you can tell we're back from Arkansas. Even if we gained an hour this weekend, I'm still tired.
This picture is of a tree in front of the Mena Public Library where they were having a
"Birds of Prey" exhibit. Let me try to explain the library. It's about the size of -- well, you can only imagine how small the building is since the population of Mena is less than 6,000.
We walk into the building and there's a humongous owl - gorgeous, by the way, but it nonetheless gives me the willies. Owls freak me out because they remind me of the exorcist when their heads do a 360 or a 180 or whatever that degree is. I failed geometry in high school; can you tell?
Anyway, there's a handful of people there sitting in chairs, listening to these people talk about the birds of prey. There's also a cute, little owl sitting on top of a plastic animal crate. There's a bird perched on the arm of one of the presenters and there's this humongous, white bird sitting on a perch right near the entrance to the library. Mind you, this big ol' white bird is attached to the perch via a leather shackle to his leg or paw or claw or talon or whatever you call it.
Shorty is holding my hand as we walk into the building. Then, an employee of the library, who is standing behind the counter, says, "Oh, oh, please watch your baby around that bird." We are approximately five foot from the bird at this point - never got closer to it than that for fear the bird would attack us with his five-inch long, hooked nose. Needless to say, we left the birds of prey exhibit.
We had a great time in Mena. It is absolutely gorgeous this time of year.

Sunday, November 4, 2007

This Is Priceless!

First of all, let me start off by making it clear that I DID NOT WRITE THIS. I received this via email from a friend. I didn't rip this off of anybody's blog. I never rip anything off anybody's blogs because I completely believe that is 100% not a cool thing to do. I do not, however, check for the source of every single email I receive.

On the JCPenney catalog post, I received that in an email from a friend I've known since I was in the fourth grade. I emailed her after I received it and asked her who wrote that email because it cracked me up. I haven't received a response from her as of yet. I can only assume her response is going to be that she received it from a friend who reads this blog:

As I made perfectly clear in the beginning of the JCPenney Catalog post, I did not write that post. I simply copied and pasted it from an email. I have to give credit where credit is due, and the credit goes to Johnny Virgil over at 15minutelunch. I'm sorry for anyone who thought otherwise. I do want to thank Mr. Virgil for making a comment on that post. Thanks for being such a gentleman and not ripping me a new one.

Onto the post that I DID NOT WRITE:

"Okay, whether you are a mother, father, aunt, uncle, or grandparent, THIS is priceless!!!!!

A 3-year-old tells all from his mother's restroom stall. By Shannon Popkin

My little guy, Cade, is quite a talker. He loves to communicate and does it quite well. He talks to people constantly, whether we're in the library, the grocery store or at a drive-thru window. People often comment on how clearly he speaks for a just-turned-3-year-old. And you never have to ask him to turn up the volume. It's always fully cranked.

There've been several embarrassing times that I've wished the meaning of his words would have been masked by a not-so-audible voice, but never have I wished this more than last week at Costco.

Halfway, through our shopping trip, nature called, so I took Cade with me into the restroom. If you'd been one of the ladies in the restroom that evening, this is what you would have heard coming from the second to the last stall: "Mommy, are you gonna go potty? Oh! Why are you putting toiwet paper on the potty, Mommy? Oh! You gonna sit down on da toiwet paper now? Mommy, what are you doing? Mommy, are you gonna go stinkies on the potty?" At this point I started mentally counting how many women had been in the bathroom when I walked in. Several stalls were full ... 4? 5? Maybe we could wait until they all left before I had to make my debut out of this stall and reveal my identity.

Cade continued, "Mommy, you ARE going stinkies aren't you? Oh, dats a good girl, Mommy! Are you gonna get some candy for going stinkies on the potty? Let me see doze stinkies, Mommy! Oh ... Mommy! I'm trying to see in dere. Oh! I see dem. Dat is a very good girl, Mommy. You are gonna get some candy!" I heard a few faint chuckles coming from the stalls on either side of me. Where is a screaming new born when you need her?

Good grief. This was really getting embarrassing. I was definitely waiting a long time before exiting. Trying to divert him, I said, "Why don't you look in Mommy's purse and see if you can find some candy. We'll both have some!" "No, I'm trying to see doze more stinkies.

Oh! Mommy!" He started to gag at this point. "Uh oh, Mommy. I fink I'm gonna frow up. Mommy, doze stinkies are making me frow up!! Dat is so gross!!" As the gags became louder, so did the chuckles outside my stall. I quickly flushed the toilet in hopes of changing the subject. I began to reason with myself: OK. There are four other toilets. If I count four flushes, I can be reasonably assured that those who overheard this embarrassing monologue will be long gone.

"Mommy! Would you get off the potty, now? I want you to be done going stinkies! Get up! Get up!" He grunted as he tried to pull me off. Now I could hear full-blown laughter. I bent down to count the feet outside my door.

"Oh, are you wooking under dere, Mommy? You wooking under da door? What were you wooking at? Mommy? You wooking at the wady's feet?"

More laughter. I stood inside the locked door and tried to assess the situation.

"Mommy, it's time to wash our hands, now. We have to go out now, Mommy." He started pounding on the door "Mommy, don't you want to wash your hands? I want to go out!!"

I saw that my "wait 'em out" plan was unraveling. I sheepishly opened the door, and found standing outside my stall, twenty to thirty ladies crowded around the stall, all smiling and starting to applaud. My first thought was complete embarrassment, then I thought,"Where's the fine print on the 'motherhood contract' where I signed away every bit of my dignity and privacy?"

But as my little boy gave me a big, cheeky grin while he rubbed bubbly soap between his chubby little hands, I thought, I'd sign it all away again, just to be known as Mommy to this little fellow.

(Shannon Popkin is a freelance writer and mother of three. She lives with her family in Grand Rapids , Michigan , where she no longer uses public restrooms)"

Thanks, Sheri