Do I really need to warn you that this is NSFW and NSFS (Shorties)?
Saturday, December 1, 2007
Friday, November 30, 2007
I have to tell you that I used to be obsessed with watching Judge Mathis. I always would tell Papa Rooster, I'm gonna get me some Judge Mathis justice. He cracks me up.
I haven't watched him in a while, but I started DVR'g the show and now I watch it after Shorty goes to bed. Last night I watched the episode where the guy bought an outdoor grill, among other things, from an auction at a storage building - you know, when people don't pay their storage bill and then they auction all your crap off.
Well, this guy buys this grill, opens it up while he's still at the storage facility and what does he find but a human foot. You might have read something about this story. I read a headline about it somewhere, but didn't take the time to read the whole story.
Anyway, this guy calls the police thinking that some kind of crime had occurred, and that's the reason for this foot being in this grill. The police take custody of the foot. They found out that the foot belonged to the previous owner of the grill. The police returned the foot to its rightful owner, the guy who was born with the foot. This guy had to have his foot amputated after a plane wreck. His religious beliefs are such that he should be buried whole when he dies, so he asked the doctors to save his foot. They gave him the foot after the surgery. He stuck it in his freezer for a few years and then for some reason or another, he put the foot in this barbecue grill.
Long story short and the reason they were on Judge Mathis, was the genius that bought the grill wanted the foot back. He felt that it was rightfully his since he paid for the contents of the storage building. He wanted to put it in a museum and charge people $10 a pop to come in a view this foot. Well, he got some Judge Mathis justice. Judge Mathis ruled in favor of the defendant, the amputee.
You go, Judge Mathis.
The final was on tonight between Jackie and Michelle. Supposedly Jackie practices with the dark arts and Michelle practices with the light. Jackie is a voodooist. Is that considered dark arts? She said that voodoo means "one with God". How can that be dark arts? If she were to win, she would give the money to help restore the city of New Orleans, particularly, the animal shelters there. I enjoyed watching her work. She freaked a lot of people out, including myself at times. But she was right on the money on almost every challenge they gave her. I don't know why, but I love her.
I won't spoil the ending for you. Just watch the show. I don't know when the new season starts. Can't wait.
America's Psychic Challenge myLifetime.com
Via Deputy Dog:
"local residents were asked to nominate influential books that represent kansas city, humungous versions of the winning nominations were then used as the exterior of the library car-park."
can you spot the library? « deputydog
Dad you'll Never Know Rectangle Magnet > Dad You'll Never Know... > American Angst CafePress
Are you (or a loved one) easily distracted? Going from room to room, task to task? Me too! Which is why "I Don't Have A.D.D., I'm perfectly focu...ooOOooh! Shiny!" products are so perfect for us!
I Don't Have A.D.D. - Shiny Journal > I Don't Have A.D.D. - Shiny > American Angst CafePress
10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.
9. You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.
8. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.
7. Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.
6. Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.
5. A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
4. Guns function normally every day of the month.
3. A gun doesn't ask, "Do these new grips make me look fat?"
2. A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.
1. YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A GUN!
Thanks, Tim...typical man
CLEARWATER, Fla. -- Evel Knievel, the red-white-and-blue-spangled motorcycle daredevil whose jumps over crazy obstacles including Greyhound buses, live sharks and Idaho's Snake River Canyon made him an international icon in the 1970s, died Friday. He was 69.
Knievel's death was confirmed by his granddaughter, Krysten Knievel. He had been in failing health for years, suffering from diabetes and pulmonary fibrosis, an incurable condition that scarred his lungs.
Knievel had undergone a liver transplant in 1999 after nearly dying of hepatitis C, likely contracted through a blood transfusion after one of his bone-shattering spills.
Longtime friend and promoter Billy Rundel said Knievel had trouble breathing at his Clearwater condominium and died before an ambulance could get him to a hospital.
More Here: Star-Telegram.com: 11/30/2007 Iconic daredevil Evel Knievel dies at 69
I was very brave today. I managed to wrangle my mom into keeping Shorty while I went Christmas shopping for her some presents. My first stop, Mattel Toy Store Outlet in Fort Worth.
First of all, I have never, ever been to this store in my life. I was really looking forward to it. It's been rated one of the best places to buy toys in the DFW area. Why? Are the people that voted on serious medication? I'm inclined to think they are.
I walk into the store and notice there's no carts available - that's a good thing because there was no way in hell I would have been able to maneuver a cart around the buttloads of people who were there shopping.
There was no less than 15 people standing in a single-file line waiting to check out. Their carts were overflowing with toys. This accounted for 60% of the reason of why I decided I needed to turn the hell around, get in my car and drive as fast as I could away from this hellhole. The remaining 40% is due to the fact that their prices were the exact same as Walmart's, if not higher. I bought a TMX Cookie Monster off Walmart.com a couple of months ago. I paid $29.99. They had TMX Cookie Monster for $39.99. That's all it took for me to hightail it out the door. I will never go back there - not in a zillion, trillion years.
Here's a snippet of this story:
"Had all the men in Oxford gone mad overnight? The postman started it. When I opened the door, he stood there grinning like a Cheshire cat, and lingered rather longer than necessary while I signed for a package. "
"Worse – or was it better? – was to come. In Sainsbury's not one but two men offered to let me go ahead of them in the queue."
"Another wanted to know if I needed help packing my groceries away. Another still wanted to open my car door for me in the car park. "
"In my local delicatessen, Gluttons, the man behind the counter smiled and nodded like an eager puppy as I bought such mundanities as olive oil and courgettes."
"But it was the (male) librarian at my local library who really seemed to have lost his marbles."
The rest of the story here: My instant boob job from 36A to 36DD - and the effect it had on men (and women) the Daily Mail
My two cents: If you know me or have ever seen me, you know I didn't write this story. I haven't seen a 36A since I was in the 7th grade or so. With nicknames such as Dairy Queen, Saggems, and the constant "milk it does your body good, pass it on" commercial being shouted every time I saw a particular individual in high school, I can honestly say that I have no sympathy for people who have small breasts.
It's a lot easier to make small boobs look bigger than it is to make huge boobs look smaller - it's nearly impossible. You can't just go to any store and buy a bra. I have to order mine online and the minimum price starts at about $50 for one.
That article I posted the other day about women's bras, I could not believe the average woman owns 13 bras and they paid $13 for each. They must all be size 36A or 36C or the "new" 36D. I can tell you one thing, if I had a bra from about ten years ago that was a size 36DDD, it would measure the same as a new 36C bra.
I went to Foley's or Dillard's the other day and asked to be fitted. She wrapped the measuring tape around me right there in front of God and everybody and then told me I was a 38D. I said, Lady, you must be out of your freakin' mind. You need to get your happy ass enrolled in some kind of measurement-taking class because I haven't worn a 38D since 1985. Okay..okay. I didn't actually say that to her, but that's damn sure what I was thinking. This just goes to show you that you should get fitted at more than one store.
Why is it that people think the larger your cup size, the larger the band size? That's the opposite of men's pants - the larger the band size, the shorter the length. Not every big-busted woman wears a size 40 or 42 band size. And not every rotund man is short. I would like to know where the women who have fake boobs buy their bras. Of course their bras are probably all made out of tissue paper or spider webs - unlike mine which are made out of elephant skin with rawhide straps.
Okay. I'm done. I'll quit my bitchin.
Make your favorite Secret Restaurant Recipes at home. We've got The Olive Garden recipes, Red Lobster recipes, Wendys recipes and many more secret recipes coming too!
Here's the recipe for Olive Garden House Dressing (I have no idea if it tastes the same or not):
8 ounces Paul Newman's Own vinegar and oil dressing
1 garlic clove -- peeled, halved
1/2 tablespoon dried basil
1/2 tablespoon dried oregano1 tablespoon sugar(or 3 pkgs of Sweet and Low)
Cooking Directions:Put ingredients into the bottle of dressing and shake well.
Refrigerate 24 hours before using.
Secret Restaurant Recipes
Via Star Telegram:
FORT WORTH -- Criminal defendants, their families -- or just the public in general -- can now find out what's going on in Tarrant County's criminal courtrooms with the click of a mouse.
Last week, a feature was added to the county's Web site allowing the public to view the dockets, or court settings, in Tarrant County's 19 misdemeanor and felony courts.
The link will allow defendants to find out whether they have a court hearing coming up or just provide basic information to interested parties. The site allows people to search by someone's name or by court and to view court settings 30 days into the future.
"Our general focus is to provide timely information to all interested parties, including the general public," said Clete McAlister, criminal courts administrator. "Timely information is the lubricant that makes the wheels of justice turn faster."
State District Judge Sharen Wilson, an advocate of the new feature, said the idea of allowing the public to search dockets surfaced more than a year ago in an e-government committee led by Tarrant County Commissioner Roy Brooks.
The committee, of which she is a member, presented it to the criminal court judges, who were in favor of it.
"The e-government committee's goal is to make government more accessible to the public," Wilson said. "It [the searchable docket] is a huge step forward. The public ought to be able to get online and find public records -- and it's not going to cost them a dime."
Wilson said many larger urban areas have similar public searches, and she is pleased that Tarrant County now does, too. She said allowing the public or defendants to do search dockets online could cut down on the time spent calling attorneys and courts -- or finding parking at the courthouse.
"The point about e-government is to keep people from having to drive," Wilson said. "I'm gushing about it like it is such a benefit, but it is what we ought to be doing."
How to search criminal court dockets
Go to http://www.tarrantcounty.com/
On the right side of the page, click on the "Courts" icon.
Click on "Criminal Courts" on the left side of the page.
Click on the "Criminal Court Docket Search"
Type in the name or the court you want to look at.
Star-Telegram.com: 11/30/2007 County Web site makes court dockets searchable
Too bad there is no "Courts" icon and there is no way in hell I can figure out how to get to this page they're talking about. I've sent an email asking how to actually get to this page.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
FAIRMONT, Minn. (AP) ― It won't fit him anymore, but a Massachusetts man has his metal identity bracelet back after it was found inside a chicken gizzard in this southern Minnesota city — more than 25 years after he lost it in his grandfather's barn.
Aaron Giles, 31, of Gloucester, Mass., lived in Fairmont as a child and played hide-and-seek and other games with his brothers in their grandfather's barn near Sherburn.
"I would spend most of my time out at his farm and that's the only place I can think of that I would have lost it," Giles said Thursday, adding that he thinks it was lost when he was 4 or 5 years old.
The barn was dismantled a few years ago, and the materials were used to construct another barn in rural Elmore, about 45 miles away, he said. Giles thinks his bracelet was imbedded in the barn materials when they were moved.
Workers at Olson Locker in Fairmont were cutting the meat of chickens that came from an Elmore farm when one of them, Brittany McDonald, came across a shiny object in a chicken gizzard. McDonald, whose grandfather owns the locker, saw Aaron's name, address and phone number engraved on it.
"It's the strangest story that I have ever heard in the meat locker business," said Mark Olson, McDonald's grandfather. "I've heard of livestock swallowing unusual objects, but this situation stands out."
Olson was able to track down Giles' father, Doug, who had moved to Arizona. Giles says he received his old bracelet in September.
"It was in pretty immaculate shape. Everything was working on it, and all the engravings on it were still legible," Giles said. "It was quite the surprise."
Giles said he expects the bracelet to stay in his family for many years to come. "I have no plans on trying to lose it again," he said.
cbs11tv.com - Bracelet Found In Chicken After 25 Years
A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her doctor recommended that she see a well-known Chinese sex therapist, so she went to see him. Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, "OK, take off all you crose."
The woman did as she was told.
"Now, get down and craw reery, reery fass to odder side of room."
Again, the woman did as she was instructed.
Dr. Chang then said, "OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me."
So she did.
Dr. Chang shook his head slowly and said, "Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates."
Worried, the woman asked anxiously, "Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is Ed Zachary Disease?"
Dr. Chang looked the woman in the eye and replied, "Ed Zachary Disease is when your face rook Ed Zachary rike your ass."
While in China, a man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time. A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.
Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.
The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says: "I've got bad news for you --- you've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it."
The man looks a little perplexed and says: "Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc."
The doctor answers: "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your penis."
The man screams in horror, "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion."
The doctor replies: "Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want but surgery is your only choice."
The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims: "Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vely rare disease."
The guy says to the doctor: "Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can we do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!"
The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs: "Stupid Amelican docta, always want to opelate. Make more money that way. No need to opelate!"
"Oh, Thank God!" the man replies.
"Yes," says the Chinese doctor, "You no worry! Wait two weeks. Faw off by itself!"
HowItSucks.com rates products based on recent reviews from other users. The rating system is simple: the longer the red bar, the more it sucks.
You can also move your mouse over a product to read some of the comments unhappy users have made.
how it sucks
You wouldn't get away with this crap these days - good riddance.
Few More Here: The outrageously politically incorrect adverts from the time equality forgot the Daily Mail
Via: The Presurfer
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
This is the freakiest crap I've seen all day - hell, maybe all week. It seems like she can't close her mouth all the way (which is a good thing for the people working on her fake teeth) and she goes a little cross-eyed at times - the porn industry will have a heyday with this thing.
Via Pink Tentacle:
"Simroid, a robotic dental patient with an eerily realistic appearance, has been spotted at the 2007 International Robot Exhibition in Tokyo. Designed primarily as a training tool for dentists, the fembot patient can follow spoken instructions, closely monitor a dentist’s performance during mock treatments, and react in a human-like way to mouth pain. Because Simroid’s realistic appearance and behavior motivate people to treat her like a human being, as opposed to an object, she helps dental trainees learn how to better communicate with patients."
787 Bath and Body Recipes Available
Bath bombs, bubble bath, bath oil, bath powder, body butter, salt scrubs, sugar scrubs, and tub truffles... what do they all have in common? The same thing that bath syrup, massage oil, and deodorant have in common. So, what exactly is it that all of these toiletry items have in common?
You can find recipes for these luxurious bath and body care products you can make at home, plus oodles more, right here for you to use... for free! Why spend a fortune on bath and body items when you could make them right at home? Pamper yourself and friends with bath and body products like Hawaiian Milk Bath, Lavender Bath Soak, Heavenly Bath Bombs, and Night Dreams Massage Oil.
Bath and Body Recipes
Via: Baby Cheapskate
Baby Clothes from $1.49 with Free Shipping
Get free shipping on clothing from Classic Closeouts at Amazon. Prices on baby clothes start at $1.49!
Also, Spend $10 at The Baby Outlet at Amazon and get free shipping. This prices don't impress me, but the free shipping may make a difference if you find what you're looking for.
Alopecia Tied To Dental Health
People who have started to lose hair -- either on their scalp or on other body parts -- may need to visit a dentist, according to researchers in Granada.
Researchers there said that the bald patches, called alopecia areata or localized alopecia, are closely tied to infections of the teeth.
"We have found that bald patches caused by tooth infection are not always in the same place. They normally appear on a line projected from the dental infection and can thus can be located on the face at the level of the maxillary teeth, above a line through the lip-angle to the scalp, beard, or even to the eyebrow. Nevertheless, they can also be located far from infection outbreak," authors Gil Montoya and Cutando Soriano said in a news release.
They said alopecia typically appears as one or more round bald patches on the scalp, in the beard or in the eyebrows. Some people lose their eyelashes. Usually, the hair regrows in a few months, though there can be relapses.
Alopecia is thought to affect 1 in 1,000 people.
The researchers said some cases of alopecia may be auto-immune problems, meaning the body attacks hair follicles as if they were invaders.
Losing Hair? Check Your Teeth - Health News Story - KXAS Dallas
Via: Strange New Products: Water Bottle Nipple Adapter
"What's strange about this product is that no one has thought of it yet. At least, that's what the inventor of the product says anyways."
"The nipple adapts to just about any plastic water bottle and turns it into a baby-bottle. From the looks of it, it'll probably attach to plastic soda bottles too."
"It's now selling at 7-Eleven and Circle-K stores for $1.95 each. The idea is that you could stop the car at a convenience store, buy a bottle of water, along with a nipple adapter, and silence a crying baby on the spot."
"The nipple adapter was created by Tommy Habeeb, former host of the reality-TV show "CHEATERS", and who is now hosting, "STAG: Last Night of Freedom"."
There has been a 25 percent increase in bank robberies nationwide since 2000, according to FBI data. DALLAS -- The Scarecrow Bandits robbed their 10th bank in the Dallas-Fort Worth area Friday.
The pair, named because of their flannel shirts and straw hats, have become more violent each time and recently assaulted bank tellers, authorities said.
But now the FBI is hoping its new Web site -- bandittracker-- will help get the surveillance photos, and pictures of bad guys from around Texas, in front of thousands of sets of eyes. The recently launched site has photos, sketches and reward information for about 100 bank robbers from around the state, including the Scarecrow Bandits.
Via: FBI hopes new Web site will help nab bandits
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Got this in an email from Papa Rooster:
Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for the puppy at Wal-Mart and was about to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
On impulse, I told her no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again. Although I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no; I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard!
WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore!!!
Enjoy your annual night out with the peace of mind that your kids are safe and sound!
6 x 9 inches, 60 pages, 80-pound uncoated text stock with chipboard backing and adhesive binding
Art Effect - Don't Kill The Kids Pad
One hundred years ago, Vogue coined the term "brassiere."
Since then, it's been called plenty: The 18 Hour bra, the Cross Your Heart bra, the training bra, the padded bra, the sports bra, the front-close bra, the strapless bra, the backless bra, the plunge bra, the sheer bra, the Wonderbra, the convertible bra, the T-back bra, the Bralette, the minimizer, and every teenage boy's favorite, the over-the-shoulder boulder holder.
Love it, hate it, burn it or embrace it, the bra endures.
Sizing things up
Fifteen years ago, the average American woman's bra size was 34B. Last year, the average was 36C, says Norah Alberto, senior style director for Maidenform. Part of the reason is that Americans simply are getting bigger. But it's also the result of more people getting fitted for bras and finding out they've been wearing the wrong size all along.
Oprah gave the whole bra-fitting concept a huge lift in 2005, when she did two shows on the importance of getting fitted. She repeated what most of the industry had been saying for a while: A majority of women are wearing the wrong size. At least seven out of 10 women, Alberto says.
But as it turns out, you shouldn't just do it once. You need to get measured at least every year, especially if you are older than 40, Alberto says.
Why? Because breasts are always changing.
On average, a woman's breast size and shape change at least six times in her life, according to Susan Nethero, author of BraTalk. Most women experience a change every five years, likely from a 10-pound weight gain or loss, if they start or stop exercising, if they are pregnant or nursing or if they start or stop using birth control pills or hormone-replacement therapy.
Signs that you're wearing the wrong size
Two of the most common mistakes are wearing a bra too large in the band and too small in the cup, says Ruth Dowdy owner of the Pennyrich Bra Patch in Raleigh, N.C.
"You know your bra doesn't fit properly if the back rides up between your shoulder blades," she said.
That means the band is either too large or stretched out, and you aren't getting the support you need for lift in the cup.
Have a fit right here
Where can you get fitted?
Most department stores, including Nordstrom and J.C. Penney, and other national chains such as Lane Bryant, offer bra-fitting services.
You can also go to lingerie boutiques.
Wear and spares
Most women on average own 14 bras but wear just six regularly, according to Maidenform.
How many bras should you have? Nethero says at a minimum three: One to wear, one in the wash and one on standby. Then add more so that you have seven to 10 bras that fit well and you can wear regularly.
But remember to replace them frequently. Most bras begin to wear out after 90 wearings, according to Maidenform.
For many women, that's between six and nine months, said Maureen Stabnau, senior vice president of merchandising at BareNecessities.com.
Dowdy says not to wear the same bra two days in a row. Body fluids react with the fibers, breaking down the suppleness of the elastic.
Time to shop
How can you tell it's time for a new one?
Start hooking a new bra on the first hook, then move in to the next hook as it stretches. "Once you hit that very last hook, you're done. The bra is done," Stabnau said.
And if your strap keeps falling down, it might be another sign it's time for a replacement.
What to look for in a new bra
The most comfortable bra is the one that fits the most firmly, Nethero said.
"Remember: If it's saggy in the loosest hook position when it's brand-new, it'll be even worse later on," she says.
Make sure there aren't any gaping spaces between the cup and your breasts. But your cups shouldn't be overflowing. A good-fitting bra should lift and separate about one inch at the breastbone, Hendricks recommends.
The cost of support
Women are spending more money on bras. From September 2006 to August, women spent $6 billion on bras, up from $5.6 billion during the same period last year, according to the market-research company NPD Group.
The average price was $13.44, up from $13.05 last year.
How to wash your undies
All the experts agree the best way to care for your bra is to hand-wash them.
But who has the time? Try washing them in the washer in a net lingerie bag, with the hooks clasped so they don't catch on anything in the washer, Alberto says. Make sure to use cool water with a delicate soap.
The biggest no-no? Never put your bra in the dryer.
"The elastic used in the making of bras is not intended to withstand the high temperatures that a dryer can reach," Dowdy said.
Star-Telegram.com: 11/27/2007 A salute to the bra, after a century of support
Via: Rare Bird Finds: You Park Like Shit Static Cling
"How awesome - you can stick these "You Park Like Shit" static clings on a car to let the driver know, well, s/he parks like you-know-what. Because it's static cling, you won't leave any damage on the car. $17 for a 24-pack."
|You Are Blitzen|
Always in good spirits, you're the reindeer who loves to party down with Santa.
Why You're Naughty: You're always blitzed on Christmas Eve, while flying!
Why You're Nice: You mix up a mean eggnog martini.
Monday, November 26, 2007
This is hilarious. What a great way to vent some steam.
Via: White Trash Mom: Dysfunctional Family Letter Generator
"In honor of dysfunctional families everywhere, I give you one of White Trash Mom's favorite holiday websites. The Dysfunctional Family Letter generator!"
"Sure, the Smith's and the Johnson's write those really nice letters about their families. About how perfect they are. This online letter generator is for those of us who want to have a more "realistic" approach to holiday letters. Okay, we really can't send these letters to everyone but it would be FUNNY, wouldn't it?"
"Enjoy and please send us some of your favorite letters! Go here to start your Dysfunctional Family Letter now!"
Here's my letter I generated:
I just wanted to let you know that you have completely pissed on my life. If you had any balls you would be dangerous. I have a daily appointment with my therapist now because you have manipulated me one too many times. I have usually looked the other way, which makes me codependent.
This time you have taken your psycho bitchiness to the next level.
I have never shirked my responsibility to tell you that you are definitely taking the wrong meds. You would be so much better off if you would just lay off of the hooch. You must be obsessive-compulsive. You are a CRAZY BITCH! It is time for you to get a new psychiatrist, preferably one that actually graduated. Let this also serve as notice that all future visits have been cancelled as I am in too FOUL of a mood.
Piss off you titty baby,
PS: Please do not reply back, we have gone back to bed. I need time to report your whereabouts to the repo man.
READ TO THE BOTTOM FOR QUOTE OF THE MONTH BY JAY LENO. IF YOU DON'T READ ANYTHING ELSE---VERY WELL STATED
TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 1930's, 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's!!
First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant.
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.
Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies i n baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.
As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, booster seats, seat belts or air bags.
Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.
We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank Kool-aid made with sugar, but we weren't overweight because,
WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.
No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no surround-sound or CD's, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or chat rooms.......
WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!
We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.
We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.
We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told i t would happen, we did not poke out very many eyes.
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!
Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!
These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!
The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!
If YOU are one of them CONGRATULATIONS!
You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives for our own good .
While you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave (and lucky) their parents were.
Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?!
The quote of the month is by Jay Leno:
'With hurricanes, tornadoes, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?'
Via: Bits & Pieces: Those born between 1929 and 1979
My mom sent me this via a Powerpoint presentation. I'll spare you all the reasons why these foods will make you live longer. You'll just have to trust me. Guess I won't be in the Guiness Book of World Records for being the oldest person alive since I only like 5 or 6 of these.
Tea - Green or Black
"Always Green Grass Painting Company, Inc. will paint your grass a lush and beautiful natural green color during the dormant fall and winter months and during the summer months due to lack of rain, drought, over fertilization and fungus. This means no more brown grass, no more over- seeding with winter rye, no more mowing and almost no lawn maintenance. The non-toxic grass paint can be applied to all warm weather grasses and can last up to 90 days depending on traffic."
I wish I had about $25,000 to start a franchise here in DFW because rich folks here would eat this crap up. What a great idea! Can I borrow $25,000 from anybody?
Via Presurfer: "Over many years, a guy collected rolls of undeveloped film from cameras he found in antique stores. He finally had them developed and ended up with several hundred images that he's placed online."
Every Image We Have
I tried to post this a couple of weeks ago, but the link wasn't working - now it is. Go check this out. You might see yourself, your friends, some family members or whatever else you might think of. Maybe you don't want to see them...well, you don't have to tell anyone you know them.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
I would have knocked someone in the head to get this son-of-a-bitch!
Go here to laugh your bo-bo off: Welcome to WishbookWeb.com
A few more without the graphic:
I cannot remember how I found this website the other day, but I'm so glad I did. You can send free ecards. You can buy prints of the stories, sculptures. You can have the story of the day emailed to you on a daily basis. Some of the stories are funny. Some are very poignant. Some are sad. Some of them are weird. I love them all. Check them out here: StoryPeople