Saturday, July 12, 2008

Popeye The Potty Mouth

I guess I should start this off by saying Big Daddy always gets on to me for saying jackass. It's one of my favorite words. I can't help it. When the kitten comes running after me looking like Godzilla, I call him a jackass. When people drive stupid, I call them jackasses. Jackass rolls off my tongue almost as much as the word the.

So we're watching Popeye The Sailor Man this morning, Big Daddy, Shorty and myself. And I almost fell over when I heard this. Fast forward to 3:15 or so.

No wonder I say jackass all the time. As many episodes of Popeye I watched when I was a kid, I can't help but say it.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Anti Monkey Butt Powder

So Big Daddy is watching the Speed Channel or something like that. And a commercial for this came on:

I think I shot a green bean out my nose.

Click here to buy some.

RC Cooler

Somebody asked Big Daddy at work today if he could make one of these coolers. He's handy like that. I could make one that would bitch-slap the man when it took him his drink.

Stain, Stain, Go Away

This is a picture of our front door. Shorty is scared to death of it. She's not actually scared of the door, but the huge stain on it. She says it's a monster. She said, "See, it's a monster. It's got one eye. It looks like Muno."

She is hilarious.

And Then The Fight Started

I rear-ended a car this morning.

So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.

You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?

Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'

So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'

And then the fight started.....


When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive.... so, I took her to a gas station.....

And then the fight started....


After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.

I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.

And then the fight started.. ...


My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked,' Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My goodness!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started.....

Thanks, Martha

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Rodent Factory? Huh?

I was browsing through the Star Telegram last night - online, of course - when I saw this article:

Fort Worth panel backs rodent factory expansion

First thing that came to mind was, What the hell is a rodent factory? Is it some kind of sweat shop where little mice are making shoes? Are there little rats running around wearing lab coats? Hamsters running on wheels creating some form of energy? What the hell is a rodent factory? Seriously, what the hell is a rodent factory?

So I did a little research and I found this:

The Big Cheese Rodent Factory

Their home page says:
"Breeder of superior quality frozen feeder mice and rats. Our rodents are fed the highest quality rodent chow, which contains natural rodents foods. We vacuum pack our product to preserve nutrients, moisture and freshness . This process also extends the freezer life of the rodents by reducing freezer burn. Your complete satisfaction is guaranteed."

Under the our products section, one of the bullet points says this:
"Rodents are humanely euthanized and blast frozen to maximize freshness"

You can buy mice: A small or large pinky, fuzzy, hopper, etc.

Or rats: Pinky, fuzzy, pups, weaned, jumbo, colossal, etc.

So my only question now is, What the hell is a rodent factory?

Arte Y Pico

Lookee here what my good buddy from down under Phil from Phils Phun honoured me with.
It is called an Arte Y Pico Award, also in Spanish. From the Arte Y Pico blog translated from Spanish to English:
What is the meaning of the expression: Art and Pico
What is the meaning of the expression: And basically, ironically, it translates into a wonderful phrase in Mexico, “lo maximo.” LOL! What is the meaning of the expression: And basically, ironically, it translates into a wonderful phrase in Mexico, "lo maximo." LOL! It will never find its counterpart in English, but if it HAD to, it would be something like, Wow. It will never find its counterpart in English, but if it HAD to, it would be something like, Wow. The Best Art. The Best Art. Over the top. Over the top.

When you get the award, you are supposed to post the original rules,
1) You have to pick 5 blogs that you consider deserve this award,
creativity, design, interesting material, and also contrubutes to the blogger community, no matter of language.
2) Each award has to have the name of the author and also a link to his or her blog to be visited by everyone.
3) Each award-winning, has to show the award and put the name and link to the blog that has given her or him the ward itself.
4) Award-winning and the one who has given the prize have to show the link of "Arte y pico" blog , so everyone will know the origin of this award.
5) To show these rules.
My five picks are:
White Trash Mom (Because they crack me up)
To Whom It May Concern (Because this girl knows how to put her thoughts into words better than anyone I think I've ever known - wait I don't know her, but whatever)
Megret (Because I wish I did 1/4 of the things she does with her kids with my own)
Rare Bird Finds (Because they find some neat stuff - and because I'm running out of blogs - no offense Rare Birds - not that they'll actually read this)
The Bloggess (Because this lady is hilarious. I have to say I got a little irritated because she just had some fat sucked out of her nonexistent belly - she's still funny though)

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Hold The Mustard...

If you're male, you'll take that literally. If you're female - well, I think you get my drift.