Roping A Deer

I got this is an email from my mom.

Actual Letter from someone who farms in Kansas.

I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it.

The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that, since they congregated at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.

I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it.

After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up -- 3 of them. I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me.

I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation.

I took a step towards it... it took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope and received an education. The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope. That deer EXPLODED.

The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope with some dignity. A deer, no chance.

That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I originally imagined.

The only upside is that they do not have as much stamina as many animals.

A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head.

At that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope. I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual.

Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in, so I didn't want the deer to have it suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder - a little trap I had set beforehand...kind of like a squeeze chute. I got it to back in there and started moving up so I could get my rope back.

Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist.

Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head -- almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.

The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective. It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds. I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now) tricked it.

While I kept it busy tearing plugs out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose.

That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day. Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp.

I learned a long time ago that, when an animal -- like a horse -- strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape.

This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy.

I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run.

The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head. Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.

Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head.

I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away.

You're Nuts

A man walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing only underwear made of Saran Wrap.

The psychiatrist says, "Well...I can clearly see your nuts."

Easter Cartoons

Flip-Flop

I still call these thongs.

You can buy a t-shirt that has this on it here.

Redneck Carnival Ride - The Spin Dizzy

I think the kids are being held in with pitchforks.

Via

Barnett Shale Hell Update

Just thought I'd post an update to my Barnett Shale fiasco. I finally got ahold of a guy with Dale Operating who gave my number to someone with Chesapeake. The Chesapeake guy called me and I gave him my address. He says even though they're drilling, like, two inches from my house, that the lines are going to the north and northwest from our property. The drilling rig down the street about a half a mile is going in another direction as well. It seems really, really odd to me that they're putting in a collection line directly across the street from me and that I seriously think Chesapeake owns a very, very nice big home along with a couple of nice horse arenas on the property between these two drilling rigs.

Even though we had to listen to the constant hum and loud bangs of this drilling rig and smell the horrible stinch coming off this thing, we won't be receiving a single cent from the proceeds of it. How the hell can they say that the liquid they're collecting out of these lines isn't coming from underneath our property? Seems like a lot of BS to me.

The drilling rig was taken down the other day. They moved it down the street to the very, very nice home where there's no less than four signs that say something about Chesapeake (which leads me to believe that someone with Chesapeake owns this property) - no one actually lives in this house that I know of. So that makes a total of three drilling rigs within about a half a mile of our property and still no checks from the gas man.

Loco Update

After reading this comment from Inga, I realized I hadn't posted an update on our cat, Loco.

Hi.

This may be a bit strange, but I found your blog about your cat, Loco, when he was sick. I was googling "cat can't lift head" because that's the thing with my cat right now :-/ I took her to the vet today, but the vet didn't know what was wrong with her. Right now she's mostly just lying still because her chin is just like it "stuck" to her chest. It's like there is a spring holding her head down like that.

I wanted to ask you if your cat got better? I can't find any follow-up posts about him. My cat is alot younger though, she's only 3 and a half years old.

I'm taking her to the vet again tomorrow morning for a blood analysis, but today the vet vas totally clueless on what might be her problem. She can't eat or drink by herself now, because her head is stuck down like this.

Please reply, I would very very much appreciate if you'd reply to me, either here or by e-mail, ingaebba at gmail.comn

I sincerely hope that your Loco has gotten better by now.

Best regards, Inga.

This was my reply to Inga:

Hi, Inga. It's Shelley from Shelley's Snippets. I'm so sorry to hear about your cat. How long has she not been able to lift her head up? Loco wasn't able to lift his head for what seemed like a couple of weeks - probably wasn't quite that long. He didn't eat for a few days - wouldn't drink either. I would have to physically pick him up and put him in the litter box. He is 100% better now - back to his old self again.

It turned out that Loco's ear drum had ruptured. I am inclined to think that his ruptured ear drum was the sole cause of all his problems. I think his low kidney function count (sorry don't know the correct medical terminology) and his electrolytes being low were all due to him not eating because he could not lift his head because the ear drum was getting ready to rupture. After paying $400 for three different kinds of meds and tests out the wazoo, I think what made him better was an extra $8 worth of steroids that I had to give him orally.

Have your vet check your cat's ears thoroughly. I only say that because the first trip to the vet, his ear drum had not ruptured yet. It actually ruptured the next day while we were at home. It wasn't until the second trip to the vet to recheck his electrolytes that they discovered his ruptured ear drum and the vet said she checked his ears on the first visit and it wasn't ruptured at that time.

Good luck to you and your kitty cat. And please, please let me know what happens at the vet tomorrow.

Thanks for the comment,
Shelley

I've noticed that quite a few people have ended up on my blog after doing a search for "cat can't lift head", so that's the main reason why I'm posting this update. When Loco couldn't lift his head up, I searched high and low on the Internet and could not find anything about it. Hope this helps someone.

The Stars At Night Are Big & Bright....

Via

If Celebs Moved To Oklahoma

First of all I have nothing against Oklahoma, but this is the funniest thing I've seen in a long time. Click the link to see more and try not to pee your pants.

Jennifer Aniston

Pamela Anderson

Via

Jon & Kate Plus 8

I think I watched the special they did on Jon & Kate a few years ago, but I didn't really sit down and watch their reality TV show until this week. I have to say that these people crack me up - especially Kate. I can almost guarantee you that I would be in Wichita Falls State Mental Hospital if I was in the same situation. I like this show because these people are not fake at all (they're not to me anyway).

About the show:
With two year-old sextuplets and six year-old twins, the Gosselins are hardly your typical American family. Jon and Kate are the ambitious parents of this adorable bunch and they are battling all odds to make sure their brood has a normal, happy childhood. We follow them as they tackle seemingly ordinary life events like pumpkin picking and birthday parties that become extraordinary when you have two sets of energetic multiples.

For Big Daddy Rooster

The Hot Mess Make-Over Show