Saturday, October 6, 2007

Casual Living - Take Additional 40% Off Final Markdowns

Take an additional 40% off final markdowns

Final Markdowns

Personal Moon

Some Russian designers made this oversized "personal moon" lamp. I think this could be a great idea for a child's treehouse, and would make a good DIY remake. - [via] Link.

MAKE: Blog: Personal moon

Pennsylvania Man Sets New Stone Skipping Record at 51


"At 6-foot-2 and 253 pounds, Venango County's Russell "Rock Bottom" Byars is hardly dainty. But that hasn't stopped him from skipping his way into the record books.

This month, Guinness World Records certified Mr. Byars, 43, as the planet's greatest skipper of stones on water."

Is This For Real?


Only Amazon's Got It


Is This Why Frosty Is A Jolly, Happy Soul?

Funny videos

Redneck Entertainment

Funny Videos

Friday, October 5, 2007

Electric Train

(This is one of my favorite jokes of all time.)

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."

Learning To Cuss

"You know what?" says the 6-year-old. "I think it's about time we started cussing." The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6-year-old continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with 'ass." The 4-year-old agrees with enthusiasm.

When their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6-year-old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."

WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can just stay there until I let you out!"

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"

"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios."

Thanks, Sheri

International Disturbed Person Day

Thanks, Sheri. I am disturbed.

Funny Flower Girls

Tomorrow is my niece's wedding. Shorty Rooster is going to be the flower girl. I think there are going to be close to 300 people at this wedding. Shorty will be two years old at the end of this month. I have a feeling you might be seeing her on America's Funniest Videos seeing as last night, the last words out of Shorty's mouth were, no Jessica wedding; no walk and drop. So in honor of this occasion, here's a bunch of funny flower girls.

This one doesn't have a flower girl in it, but it's still funny.

Monkeys Do River Dance - Funny Arby's Commercial

The Ten Best Foods You Aren't Eating

1. Beets
2. Cabbage
3. Guava
4. Swiss Chard
5. Cinnamon
6. Purslane
7. Pomegranate Juice
8. Goji Berries
9. Dried Plums
10. Pumpkin Seeds

The only one I eat on this list is cinnamon - in cinnamon rolls. If you count sauerkraut as cabbage, then I eat that too, with weenies. Weenies and sauerkraut, red beans and cornbread, and fried potatoes=my favorite meal in the whole wide world.

The10BestFoodsYouAren'tEating - MensHealth Magazine

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Garden or Banana Spider? I know it's the same thing, but...

This first pic is of a scary spider. I've always called these spiders banana spiders. There was one hanging on the barn a few months ago, and it scared the you-know-what out of Papa Rooster. I told him it was a good spider because they kill wasps. He left it alone - well, after the spray paint or carbureter cleaner he sprayed at it didn't kill it. Anyway, Papa Rooster did not believe me when I told him it was called a banana spider. So the next day, he goes to work and some genius at his work tells him it's not called a banana spider, but a garden spider. Every time I say, Hey, Big Daddy, there's a banana spider. Big Daddy says, No, it's a garden spider. My reply, Whatever, Damn Yankee.

This second picture...well, I was getting a little nervous being so close to this damn thing. It might be harmless, but if it can kill a wasp, then it can scare the bejeezus out of me.

I finally grew some juevos for this picture.

9 Things I Hate About Everyone

Got this in an email from Sheri. It is hilarious.

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

3. When people say, "Oh, you just want to have your cake and eat it too." Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say, "It's always the last place you look." Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna kick their asses!

5. When people say while watching a film, "Did you see that?" No, Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

6. People who ask, "Can I ask you a question?"....didn't really give me a choice there, did ya, Sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8. When people say, "Life is short." What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came, would I be standing here, dumbass?

If you love something....

Via: Bits & Pieces: If you love something....

The Mosquito Ring Tone

"Times published a story on the Mosquito Ringtone (also known as Teen Buzz) this morning. Allegedly inaudible to adults, this 17Khz ringtone has become popular among teens looking to be able to send and receive text messages surreptitiously in class. They even included a sample of the ringtone, so you could determine for yourself whether it’s audible or not. "

The Mosquito Ring Tone: This Adult Can Hear It! — Alec Saunders .LOG

I doubt very seriously that Papa Rooster could hear this, since he fails his hearing test every year at work (he can't hear high-pitched tones). You would think that would be the reason why he doesn't hear me half the time, but my voice is not that high. I think this problem would be called "selective hearing". Anyway, I can hear this, can you?

New Shoes

Neiman Marcus - The 100 Anniversary Edition Christmas Book

Dragon Topiary - Starting Price $35,000

(How about you just hire me to trim your bushes to look like a dragon? I'm kinda like Edward Scissorhands - watch out! I'd just charge you $34,000.

His & Hers Portrait In Chocolate Syrup - $110,000.

Classical Superstars Fantasy Concert - $1,159,000.00

(You have got to be kidding me. I hope that whoever buys this stuff gives lots and lots and lots of money to charity.)

Neiman Marcus - Gift Ideas

Boy found hanging from soccer net | Latest News |

MURPHY — Police are searching for answers after a one-and-a-half-year-old boy was found hanging from aM soccer net in the backyard of his home Tuesday.

An ambulance arrived at the home in the 400 block of Brookmere Lane in Murphy after one of the boy's parents called for help after making the discovery. The boy was found alive and was transported to Medical City Hospital in Dallas for treatment.

The toddler was reported in critical condition early Wednesday. Names of the child and his parents were not released.

Police said the incident appears to have been an accident, but a crime scene was established at the house during an investigation.

Neighbors told News 8 that the boy's mother is "super" and his father is "the dad you wish you had."

Boy found hanging from soccer net | Latest News |

I don't understand how things like this happen. I would never let Little Rooster play outside by herself, never.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

BMI in Perspective

This Flickr set is an art project to show you what the classifications underweight, normal, overweight, obese, and morbidly obese look like on real people. Can you guess how these three people are classified? Link -via Metafilter

Neatorama » Blog Archive » BMI in Prespective

I say BMI my A-S-S.

Think Filthy

How many sexual innuendos can you count in this video?
(choking the chicken, dirt bike, helmet, bell end, dirt track, dog bath, donkey punch / slap ass, spit roast, cream pie, tradesman's entrance, painting the walls, spiderman, the Map Of Tassie, teabagging, hand shandy, pork sword, docking or space docking, beef curtains, sinking the brown, corner pocket, dirty sanchez, sandwich, rusty trombone, and the tissue at the end. The 69, head, Ron Jeremy)

Via: Across-The-Board

I must be past my prime because I have no idea what half of these mean. I'll have to ask the porn connoisseur - you can only guess who that is.

What Does Your Pizza Say About You?

I had to include this picture because I think it's hilarious.

What Your Pizza Reveals

People may tell you that you have a small appetite... but you aren't under eating. You just aren't a pig.

You are a very picky pizza eater. Not any pizza will do. You fit in best in the Northeast part of the US.

You like food that's traditional and well crafted. You aren't impressed with "gourmet" foods.

You are generous, outgoing, and considerate with your choices.

You are carefree and friendly. You should consider traveling to Hawaii.

The stereotype that best fits you is emo. You think you're special... and you kind of are.
What Does Your Pizza Say About You?

Via: Miss Cellania

First of all, no one has ever, as long as I have lived, ever said that I had a small appetite. I am a very picky eater. If it doesn't have butter and/or cheese in it, I probably won't like it. As far as the emo thing goes, I had to ask my nephew (Go Red Raiders) what the hell emo meant. I cannot remember what he said other than emo's are if that's true, I probably am a little emo'ish; however, I don't wear black and I don't like to cut myself.

Couple tie knot - 40s style

Jo Rowell and Tony Cox of Hartlepool, England were married recently in style -1940s style!

A blackout marked the beginning of the ceremony and the silence was broken by the sounds of Neville Chamberlain announcing war on Germany.

The ceremony also included the sounds of sirens and Lancaster bombers flying overhead.

Spotlights lit up a trench scene in Normandy complete with a silhouette of an American soldier going over the top and glider planes above.

Jo then made an entrance to the sound of Glenn Miller’s Moonlight Serenade and the touching ceremony went off without a hitch.

Couple tie knot - 40s style - Hartlepool Mail

Via: Neatorama

How neat is that? It dang sure beats that freaky Bridezillas episode we watched the other day where the groom, wearing a Burger King style crown, had to try a "glass slipper" on all the bridesmaids to see if it would fit - and of course, it only fit the bride. I almost threw up. I told Papa Rooster, You might need to kiss my butt a little more than you do after seeing that, seeing as we got married at the courthouse. I crack myself up sometimes. Why am I the only one laughing? I have issues, people.

Evolution of a Slob


I don't know if y'all have seen these already, but I thought I'd post them anyway. The oldest video is at the bottom, and the newest is at the top.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

HOW TO Make monster Hallowe'en cupcakes

If only I had a kitchen bigger than most people's closets...oh, yeah, I guess I would need some gumption too.

HOWTO Make monster Hallowe'en cupcakes - Boing Boing

Community Forums Disabled

This makes a lot of sense. If they're disabled, how can you discuss a story in the forums? If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. Guess they couldn't stand the heat. Maybe the Weatherford Telegram might be the one putting of the heat?

Weatherford Democrat - Community Forums disabled

Mommy Test

I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that.

"Why?" my daughter asked.

"Because it's been on the ground, you don't know where it's been, it's dirty and probably has germs" I replied.

At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Mommy, how do you know all this stuff? You are so smart."

I was thinking quickly. "All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy."

We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information.

"OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test, you have to be the daddy."

"Exactly", I replied back with a big smile on my face.

Via: OuthouseRag: Joke of the Day: Mommy Test


Got this in an email from Sheri. Thanks, girlfriend.

Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear)purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.

Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!

Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!

I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!! It's a whole new life for me.

The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.

Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the h*** would
anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators?

Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other s*** too.

Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny b**** to find me. Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.

I hate that b**** Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.

Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the D*** barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.

The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the Choir director?

Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little s***) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

When football and muscle relaxers collide

Sorry for all the videos today, but they're just too funny.


Russian Woman Rolls up a Frying Pan - Watch more free videos

I bet y'all didn't know I could do this too, only the pan is actually a paper plate.

Everett Has Feeling...He's Feeling Like Suing Somebody After This


Never Give Up On Your Dreams - Unless They're Nightmares, Of Course, Then Just Forget About Those

Funny Videos

A Perfect Date? I Don't Think So

Funny Videos

This is a Test - How to Get Bill Collectors to Quit Calling You

Bill collectors call my home at least five times a day, most from the same number. I also get calls from bill collectors for members of my family, ex in-laws, people I've never heard of before. I've told these people to quit calling my number, but they don't seem to speaka-da-english or maybe they're going retarded like me. But anyway, I tried something just now that I had never thought of before. The one that calls me at least five times a day just called and instead of me letting the answering machine get it, I hit the fax button on the fax machine/printer/all-in-one thingy that's sitting next to me and lo and behold, I heard the fax transmission signal going off on my answering machine. I'm hoping their computer that dials my number will think this number is a dedicated fax line and they won't call me any more. Knowing my luck, they'll start sending me faxes instead. Please, lawd, I hope it works and they never call my number again.

UPDATE: So much for my test. They just called again, but I hit the fax button again, just to piss them off.

Walmart Begins Holiday Toy Price War In October - Consumerist

I didn't notice any price drops yesterday at Wally World. I ordered Shorty Rooster a TMX Ernie for her birthday through It was supposed to be here at the end of September, but of course I don't have it yet. While cruising through the toy aisle, I saw TMX Ernie and TMX Cookie Monster on the shelves there. Now I wish I would have ordered the TMX Cookie Monster. He sounds cuter anyway.

Christmas Creep: Walmart Begins Holiday Toy Price War In October - Consumerist

A man, returning home a day early...

A man, returning home a day early from a business trip, got into a taxi at the airport. It was after midnight. While en route to his home, he asked the cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspected his wife was having an affair and he intended to catch her in the act.

For $100, the cabby agreed.

Quietly arriving at the house, the husband and cabby tiptoed into the bedroom. The husband switched on the lights, yanked the blanket back and there was his wife in bed with another man.

The husband put a gun to the naked man's head. The wife shouted, "Don't do it! This man has been very generous! I lied when I told you I inherited money. He paid for the Corvette I bought for you. He paid for our new cabin cruiser. He paid for your season New York Giant's tickets. He
paid for our house at the lake. He paid for our country club membership, and he even pays the monthly dues."

Shaking his head from side-to-side the husband slowly lowered the gun.

He looked over at the cab driver and said, "What would you do?

The cabby replied; "I'd cover his ass with that blanket before he catches a cold."

Hillbilly Golf - Instructables Cool How To & DIY

Never heard of this in my life. Beats pitching horseshoes or washers.
Hillbilly Golf - Instructables Cool How To & DIY [category: home]

Cool Cloud Lamp! - Instructables Cool How To & DIY

Make a very neat lava-like lamp for less than $10 in parts. Uses only soap and water. No chemicals, easy, fun, and the results are incredibly neat!
Cool Cloud Lamp! - Instructables Cool How To & DIY [category: offbeat]

Here's a Shocker: Britney Spears loses custody of sons | Latest News |

Britney Spears loses custody of sons | Latest News |

Police express 'concern' for missing Fort Worth mom

FORT WORTH -- Glenda Furch's daughters found it strange that she didn't call them all weekend. But after Latisha Furch stopped by her mother's east Fort Worth apartment Monday morning, panic set in.

A comforter and pillows were missing from the bed, she said. A trash can, answering machine and vacuum cleaner were also missing.

The sisters called police, who found evidence in the 51-year-old woman's apartment that "raised our concern for her safety and well-being," said Lt. Dean Sullivan, a police spokesman. He declined to elaborate.

"We're really scared," Furch's daughter Shimon Furch said tearfully. "Something bad has happened."

Furch was last seen early Friday morning leaving her job at the General Motors assembly plant in Arlington. Officers went to Furch's Hidden Valley Estates apartment, near Woodhaven Country Club, about 11:30 a.m. Monday after relatives said they had been unable to reach Furch at home or on her cellphone.

Furch's car, a 1998 gold, four-door Mazda Millenia with Texas license plate L69 SJL, was missing, Sullivan said.

The daughters last heard from their mother on Thursday. She worked the second shift -- 3:30 p.m. to 12:30 a.m. -- at the plant where she has been employed for about 17 years, said Latisha Furch, 32.

Missing woman

Glenda Furch is about 5-foot-3, medium to heavy build with shoulder-length auburn hair and a twisted braid.

Her car, a 1998 gold, four-door Mazda Millenia with Texas license plate L69 SJL, is also missing.

Anyone with information is asked to call Fort Worth police at 817-335-4222 or any law enforcement agency. | 10/02/2007 | Police express 'concern' for missing mom

Retired subway cars make a splash

Here you go, Gretch!

Seventeen-ton retirees, some 600 of them, will soon be living out their golden years on the Jersey Shore, where they will see plenty of scuba diving and fishing.

They are part of more than 1,600 stainless-steel passenger and work-crew subway cars that will head to their new homes off the Garden State and farther down the Eastern Seaboard starting in the late fall. Some have zipped down the track since the early 1960s and will continue to work in retirement -- as artificial reefs housing schools of fish while providing divers with an underwater glimpse of New York icons.

"They create a cave-like structure that let young hatchlings mature," said Mike Zacchea, a self-described reef dean for New York City Transit who is also an assistant chief of operations. "Within 30 days, marine life attaches to the car body."

Retired subway cars make a splash --

Via: Attuworld

It's good to be the king - not Elvis because he's dead (I think)

Pictures of African Kings.

It's good to be the king | Attuworld

Crazy Japanese Pitcher


Paul Boutin's GOOG-411 Test - Boing Boing

Paul Boutin says: "While everyone else is pontificating on what the GOOG-411 billboards around the country must mean, I called the number a few dozen times during lunch to test it. I think of Cory every time it answers -- not with a hello but with 'Calls recorded for quality.'"

"I spent a half hour speed-dialing Google's new phone directory service, 800-GOOG-411. The verdict? Google's speech-recognition and geo-mapping algorithms outperformed Verizon and AT&T's humans this afternoon."

Paul Boutin's GOOG-411 Test - Boing Boing

Have to give this a try - it's free.

And Then They Died, by Gabe

This is a heart-wrenching story.

And Then They Died.
I gave up my chance to say goodbye.

My mother and father.

I have vague fuzzy-edged memories of them. I can only remember details of happier times spent. Just random thoughts here and there of birthdays, holidays, family outings. These aren't anything tangible, just a blur of details, images and other people’s memories of the past I’ve long unwillingly forgotten. I rely on the many carefully organized books of captured moments to tell me the story of parents I hardly remember.

Old photographs play the still frames of their lives together before the thought of me. Even older still are the snapshots of their lives alone before they became them. In each and every one, they looked young and happy with their smiling faces and shining eyes. They looked alive.

The Rest Here: And Then They Died, by Gabe


The Thousand Islands - The Photography of Ian Coristine

World famous islands in the St. Lawrence River.

The Thousand Islands - The Photography of Ian Coristine

The disappearing beach

Aerial photographs taken in 1970, 1985, 2000, and 2005 show Washaway Beach, believed to be the fastest eroding beach on the Pacific Coast of North America. About 75 homes have been destroyed since the early 1990's. A jetty was built in 1998 to protect State Route 105.

The disappearing beach


Monday, October 1, 2007

The funny lady who wrote and sang the "I'm The Mom" song.

Could Someone Please Help Miss Casandra? Can you say, "HELL NO!"? I knew you could.

I got this "email" from Miss Casandra today. Who the hell is Miss Casandra? She is probably a 85-pound, pasty white male dork. Get off my computer DAMMIT! People cannot be stupid enough to email this freak back. If you are stupid enough, you'll probably get what you deserve!

FROM : Casandra Kumasu.
Abidjan, Cote d'ivoire.
I pray that this email reaches you in the best of health.

Dearest One,
I Miss Casandra intend to invest in your country.
There is this amount of US $10 million 700hundred thousand Dollars (Ten million seven hundred thousand United State Dollars) which my late father kept for me in the Bank here in Abidjan before his untimely death in a plane clash. my father was a highly reputable busnness man He was the Director General National Gold and Diamond Mining Corporation of Sierra-Leone. who died on the 25th day of december 2003 in a plane clash on his visit to Benin. News Web Site For The Plane Clash.
Now I have decided to invest these money in your country or anywhere safe enough outside Africa as my father told me to do.
I want you to help me transfer and invest this fund in your country for investment purposes.
If you can be of a sincere assistance to me ,please do get back to me for more intimate details.
I await your soonest response.
Kind regards,
Miss Casandra Kumasu.

White Trash Palace

I just realized White Trash Mom had a store. I'm laughing so hard I can hardly type this post. You've got to go there and buy stuff. Tell her I sent you. It won't do you any good at all, but just tell her I sent you anyway. Buy me something while you're there, okay?

White Trash Palace Tee Shirts :

One Dozen Pink Roses - FTD - $9.99 plus $13.99 shipping (Saturday extra)

One Dozen Pink Roses -

My Quest to Find Out What The Hell 'Props' Means...and I don't mean everday items used on a stage.

I've been wondering this for a while now. In fact, I asked Papa Rooster the other day, What the hell does 'props' mean like when someone says, I've got to give 'props 'to the person who thought up that great idea? Papa Rooster looks at me as if I'm about half retarded (if that's even a possibility to be half retarded). He says, What the hell are you talking about? I've never heard that term before.

I found a definition for it here:
And here it is for all you other half retarded people out there:
# S: (n) props (proper respect) "I have to give my props to the governor for the way he handled the problem"

I can't believe I found the definition for that on a Princeton education website. Why can't people just say, "I have to give my respect to the gov for the way he managed to cover his ass"?

I don't think it's possible for someone to be half retarded. I do, however, think it's possible to "go retarded" as in "I'm going insane." So I must be going retarded...okay. Okay. Insane works as well.

Greasy Pole 2007

This is so stupid, it's funny...or so funny, it's stupid. Either one works.

A Wicked Deception

Translated from English to French to German to French to English via a popular translation website.

Coincidental Bad Timing

Coincidental Bad Timing

Biblical Living: Following Every Rule for One Year

Sept. 21, 2007 - After A. J. Jacobs spent a year reading the entire Encyclopaedia Britannica for his book “The Know-It-All,” he figured he had the yearlong experiment thing down. How much harder could it be to follow every rule in the Bible? Much, much harder, he soon discovered, as he found himself growing his beard, struggling not to curse and asking strangers for permission to stone them for adultery. Jacobs spent the year carrying around a stapled list of the more than 700 rules and prohibitions identified in the Good Book, and also consulted with religious leaders and spent time with the Amish, Hassidic Jews and Jehovah’s Witnesses. He spoke to NEWSWEEK’s Jennie Yabroff about his experience and his new book, “The Year of Living Biblically” (Simon & Schuster), which goes on sale Oct. 9.

More Here: Biblical Living: Following Every Rule for One Year - Newsweek Beliefs -

Via: Linkfilter

3 charged in kidnapping called 'just bizarre' by Lake Elsinore police

Man, this really is bizarre. Check out the noseless guy too. Doesn't he have severe sinus infections or something?

3 charged in kidnapping called 'just bizarre' by Lake Elsinore police | Inland News | | Southern California News | News for Inland Southern California

Via: Linkfilter

Why you can't give your Thoroughbred racehorse an obscene name

That's Horseshit
Why you can't give your Thoroughbred an obscene name.
By T.D. Thornton
Posted Wednesday, Sept. 26, 2007, at 12:51 PM ET
Illustration by Mark Alan Stamaty. Click image to expand.

Earlier this year, a man named Andy Hillis decided to christen his racehorse Nutzapper. A Tonight Show guest had used the term when referring, jokingly, to a male contraceptive; since his horse had been gelded, Hillis thought he had a good fit. But naming a Thoroughbred isn't as simple as coming up with a good double-entendre

More Here: Why you can't give your Thoroughbred racehorse an obscene name. - By T.D. Thornton - Slate Magazine

Via: Linkfilter

I'm The Mom

I'm not sure if this is the video White Trash Mom was talking about or not. I couldn't get the link to work on her website. Either way, this is hilarious and so true!

Via: Linkfilter

Coinstar: $10 Amazon gift card -

At participating Coinstar machines, exchange $30 of your spare change for an gift certificate and get an extra $10 gift certificate for free by mail. Plus, the coin counting fee is free. Print out a receipt, fill it out accordingly, and mail it in to receive the $10 certificate in the mail. To find a machine near you, click here and enter your ZIP code in the "machine locator" box in the top right.

Coinstar: $10 Amazon gift card -

Things I Wish I Knew... - Dumb Little Man

Dumb Little Man is not so dumb after all.

No one will believe in you more than you do. If you want to start a business or if you have some wild dream, your wife, boyfriend or friends will never have as much confidence as you. Listen to their concerns and strongly consider them, but don't let popular opinion be the sole factor in your conclusion. If you believe in it, do it.

Garbage Sticks. At some point in your life, particularly at a young age, you will be faced with a major choice and you'll have to decide who to be friends with. My mother used to say, "If you hang around shi*, don't be surprised if it gets on you." Well, I ignored her and at a young age I was arrested three times simply because I was in the company of some bad guys. If you know right from wrong, stay away from the wrong - it will absolutely ruin you. I was extremely lucky and after spending thousands of dollars, I am able to claim that I have a clean record.

More here: Things I Wish I Knew... - Dumb Little Man

Lose and Control Your Clutter - Dumb Little Man

This is a wonderful article.

Lose and Control Your Clutter - Dumb Little Man

Here's a link to What financial records to keep and how long to keep them

Warnings: Safety Experts Urge FDA To Ban OTC Cough And Cold Meds For Kids Under 6 - Consumerist

The New York Times is reporting that safety experts are urging the FDA to consider a ban of all "over-the-counter, multisymptom cough and cold medicines for children under 6."

Warnings: Safety Experts Urge FDA To Ban OTC Cough And Cold Meds For Kids Under 6 - Consumerist

This scared me a little because I bought Little Rooster some of the sore throat strips. I'll be throwing those away now.

6 Die From Brain-Eating Amoeba In Warm Lake Waters

(AP) PHOENIX It sounds like science fiction but it's true: A killer amoeba living in lakes enters the body through the nose and attacks the brain where it feeds until you die.

Even though encounters with the microscopic bug are extraordinarily rare, it's killed six boys and young men this year. The spike in cases has health officials concerned, and they are predicting more cases in the future.

"This is definitely something we need to track," said Michael Beach, a specialist in recreational waterborne illnesses for the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

"This is a heat-loving amoeba. As water temperatures go up, it does better," Beach said. "In future decades, as temperatures rise, we'd expect to see more cases."

According to the CDC, the amoeba called Naegleria fowleri killed 23 people in the United States, from 1995 to 2004. This year health officials noticed a spike with six cases -- three in Florida, two in Texas and one in Arizona. The CDC knows of only several hundred cases worldwide since its discovery in Australia in the 1960s.

More Here: - 6 Die From Brain-Eating Amoeba In Warm Lake Waters

Symptoms: People who are infected tend to complain of a stiff neck, headaches and fevers. In the later stages, they'll show signs of brain damage such as hallucinations and behavioral changes.

This is another reason why I swim only in a cement pond.

Do not park here.

Across-the-Board ( Do not park here.

Enduring Voices Project, Endangered Languages Facts, Photos, Map -- National Geographic

I found this one interesting:

"Oklahoma boasts the highest density of indigenous languages in the United States. This hotspot includes languages originally spoken in the region, as well as those of tribes from farther east that were forcibly relocated onto reservations here.

One language of this area, Yuchi, may be unrelated to any other. The U.S. government drove the Yuchi from Tennessee to Oklahoma in the early 1800s. Until the early 20th century, most Yuchi tribe members spoke the language fluently. After that, government boarding schools severely punished American Indian students heard speaking their own language. To avoid beatings and other punishments, Yuchi children abandoned their parent's language in favor of English. In 2005, only five elderly members of the Yuchi tribe were fluent in the language. These remaining speakers spoke Yuchi fluently before they went to school and have maintained the language despite strong pressure to abandon it."

Enduring Voices Project, Endangered Languages Facts, Photos, Map -- National Geographic

VIA: Neatorama

Stop! and read the sign.

Authorities in Oak Lawn, Illinois are adding gag signs beneath regular stop signs to catch drivers’ attentions. The new signs say such things as:

STOP . . .
• *In the Naame of Love
• *And Smell the Roses
• *Really. You Gotta Stop.
• *Right There Pilgrim
• *Or We’ll Hunt You Down
• *Hold it Right There Buster
• *Then You Can Go
• *Whoa Whoa Wait a Minute
• *Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Pleeeease
• *Or the Police Will Yell at You
• *Not an Optional Sign
• *It’s Really Self-Explanatory
• *Means That You Aren’t Moving
• *Even When No One’s Looking
• *Whoa
• *Billion Dollar Fine

Neatorama » Blog Archive » Stop! and read the sign.

10 Most Fascinating Tombs in the World

Neatorama » Blog Archive » 10 Most Fascinating Tombs in the World

Navel piercing skewered crash girl

"A teenager's belly button piercing nearly killed her in a car crash.

Cardiff student Jessica Collins underwent three hours of surgery as doctors fought to save her life after the accident in Munich.

The 19-year-old’s small piercing had been pushed through her stomach almost to her spine by her seatbelt during the collision."

Nothing To Do With Arbroath: Navel piercing skewered crash girl

Dear Customer Service Representatives Throughout The World, « To Whom It May Concern

"I wouldn’t consider myself a bitch. You may have a totally different opinion. And you’d probably be right.

Let me be honest - I’m probably not calling you because I’m having a good day. There’s usually a problem that I couldn’t solve with an automated message. Usually it involves me giving you money, often on a monthly basis.

Like yesterday, for instance. I went to my friendly Just Bend Over And Take It Mobile Phone store. JBOATI Mobile has been my phone company for almost three years. I’m not eligible for a deal on a new phone because there’s about 4 months left on my contract. Deals start at two months left on my contract."

The rest of this hilarious letter here: Dear Customer Service Representatives Throughout The World, « To Whom It May Concern

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Tennessee Justice!

A Tennessee Game Warden was driving down the road near Daisy Mountain when he came upon a young boy carrying a wild turkey under his arm. He stopped and asked the boy, "Where did you get that turkey?"

The boy replied, "What turkey?"

The game warden said, "That turkey you're carrying under your arm."

The boy looks down and said, "Well, lookee here! A turkey done roosted under my arm!"

The game warden said, "Now look! You know turkey season is closed so what ever you do to that turkey, I'm going to do to you. If you break his leg, I'm gonna break
your leg. If you break his wing, I'll break your arm. Whatever you do to him, I'll do to you. So, what are you gonna do with him?"

The little boy said, "I guess I'll just kiss his ass and let him go!"

Thanks, Tim

Vinegar: A 10,000-year-old discovery with 10,000 uses

Vinegar has been around since people have been drinking alcoholic beverages. Early civilisations as far back as the Sumerians used vinegar as a condiment, a preservative, a medicine, an antibiotic and a detergent. It's non-toxic, inexpensive, and wickedly effective. It doesn't pollute, combust or eat bodily tissue. It's readily available, won't rot, and never loses its strength.

HomeEnvy - Vinegar: A 10,000-year-old discovery with 10,000 uses

20 of the all-time best hints for making household repairs.

Dripless Lube Job
Use petroleum jelly instead of oil on door hinges. That way
you don't have to worry about oil dripping on the carpet.

Lube Locks the "Write" Way
First, transfer graphite from a soft lead pencil to a key by
rubbing the pencil over the key as if you were coloring it. Then
put the key in the lock and move it in and out several times. Also
turn the key back and forth. Your lock will love it.
More Here:



After seeing this musical instrument on, of all places, Yo Gabba Gabba!, I had to see what it was all about. This thing is weird.
Theremin - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

A head-to-head matchup

Cujo the Cougar, Western Hills High School's mascot, is going to bring it to Colleyville Heritage's Babs and Buster the Panthers this afternoon in Dallas.

But they need to watch out for Beaux the Panther from North Crowley, Jaggy the Jaguar from Flower Mound, Big D the Wildcat from Dunbar and the eight other area high school mascots that will compete in the first Capital One High School Mascot Challenge.

The mascots will perform from 2 to 3 p.m. today at NorthPark Center in Dallas. After that, people can log on to and vote for their favorite.

Voting will continue until 5 p.m. Oct. 12. The winner will be announced at halftime of the Oct. 20 Southern Methodist University football game against Tulane University at Gerald J. Ford Stadium. The winning school's athletic program will win $5,000 -- and bragging rights. | 09/29/2007 | A head-to-head matchup

I think this is a great idea. These kids sweat their bo-bo's off in these uniforms. I'm glad they get a chance to strut their stuff by themselves. GO CUJO!

“How do you pronounce the name of this place?” (Mexia)

This Dog’ll Really Hunt:
An Entertaining and Informative Texas Dictionary
by Wallace O. Chariton
Plano, TX: Republic of Texas Press
Pp. 1834-184:
Mexia (Limestone County): the name of this small town in central Texas is usually pronounced Ma-hay-ya, although some of the old-timers still say Ma-hair
[Mexia was made famous by the old joke about the two traveling salesmen who were arguing over how to pronounce the name of the town. They decided to settle the argument by asking a local citizen so they stopped at the first place they came to and went inside. A young lady approached and asked if she could help. “Can you tell us how to pronounce the name of this place?” asked one of the men. “Sure,” she replied, “it’s Dairy Queen.” The town is named for the Mexia family since the town site is on land in the family’s original land grant.]

The Big Apple: “How do you pronounce the name of this place?” (Mexia)