Thursday, May 22, 2008

DFW Airport

My sister and her husband celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary with a tour of Europe - nice, huh? So my mother and Maddie and I go to the airport last night to pick them up. Since Maddie had never been to an airport before, I thought it might be something she enjoyed. I didn't realize you couldn't get past the baggage claim area anymore. That tells you how long it's been since I've flown anywhere (at least 10 years...sigh). So she didn't get to see any airplanes. We did see a couple of news crews there. I guess they were filming a spot about the airlines charging $15 a bag now.

We didn't see any airplanes, but what we saw a lot of that really was kind of strange to me was...drum roll, please...dogs. We saw a boxer, poodles, a guide dog lab puppy, little dogs, big dogs; people getting off the planes with dogs; people picking other people up who brought their dogs with them. I thought I was at Petsmart or something. I love dogs. Hell, I love animals.

My poor dogs got kicked out of the house before I had Maddie. In case you don't know it, I have four basset hounds. One of which is very sick. He's going to the vet today because he hasn't eaten a bowl of dog food in about a month. I've been feeding him weenies, peanut butter, cheese, brisket, ground beef - whatever he'll eat. I fed him a piece of cheese the other day and it sounded like he was chewing on a bag of potato chips. I told the vet I needed to put them on speed dial. Keep your fingers crossed that Willie's problem is something like a bad tooth or something easily fixed. Can't handle another one of my pets being sick. I've already had to take the new kitten because he was sneezing like constantly. I found out that the gray hair on his back was probably due to a fever when he was younger and that it will probably grow off and he'll be an all-black cat. Strange, huh? What's even stranger is I can't believe I wrote about all my pets under the title of DFW Airport.


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Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Learning To Read

My four-year old Grandson is learning to read.

Yesterday he pointed at a picture in a zoo book and said, 'Look Grandpa! It's a frickin' elephant!'

I took a deep breath, and then asked...'What did you call it?'

'It's a frickin' elephant, Grandpa! It says so on the picture!'

and so it does...

'A f r i c a n Elephant'

So much said about phonetics.

Thanks, Mom

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Damn Buzzards

So it's 94 degrees outside. I decided to break out the blow-up kiddie pool. I'm laying next to the "pool" on my "chaise lounge". And when I say chaise lounge, I mean the blue plastic chair that folds up in thirds, and if you don't watch it, it will fold you up inside of it. I look up to see something that looked like this:

Only they were closer to the ground and circling directly above me. I bet those sumabitches thought I was a beached whale! Damn buzzards. I'm still cussing you.

Protect The Family Jewels

I don't know why, but Big Daddy always cracks up and then winces when he sees videos of guys getting hit in the family jewels. I think I got that backwards. I think he winces and then laughs. Either way, maybe you'll laugh more than wince at this video.

Welfare Check

This is for Phil over at Phils Phun. Part of his post today is about welfare. When I read it, I immediately thought of this prank phone call by Roy Wood, Jr. I have no idea how to upload audio (don't even know if you can or not), so I have to post it as a link. Here it is.

I have to say I think this is the funniest thing I have heard in a long, long time. I found it over a year ago, and I still crack up every time I hear it. It's NSFW.