Saturday, August 23, 2008

One Year & Still Poking Along

I just realized my blog was a year old yesterday! Whoopee! Can't believe it's been that long. This post will be number 1745! That's crazy to me. For those that have been with me since the beginning, thank you for hanging around. And to all the new people that cruise by, stick around, you might find something you like.

Reverse or Rewind, Please.


Friday, August 22, 2008

Man Catches Record-Sized Catfish On Barbie Fishing Pole

I think it's awesome this man had no qualms telling people that he caught that fish on his granddaughter's Barbie fishing pole. Too cool. Read the story here.

Land Of The Lost - Chaka

While I'm on the subject of making myself feel kind of old, reminiscing about all the old shows I used to watch growing up - one of my all-time favorites was the Land of the Lost. You know, Marshall, Will & Holly, on a routine expedition.

I always secretly wished I was Holly except for when those crazy ass Sleestack things came hissing and moaning around and scaring the bejeezus out of me. There was one episode that scared me so bad that I can remember it to this day. It was an episode where there was this shiny, sparkly man. He was, like, made out of coins. How freaky. Who thinks up crap like that?

But anyway, onto this burning question that has bothered me to this day...who the hell was Chaka?

I always, until this very moment, thought Chaka was this guy:

Who is the brother of this guy:

But Chaka was some guy named Philip Paley - some martial arts, hong kong phooey dude.

This is an example of useless crap that sometimes keeps me up at night.

Kids Of The '70s, Rejoice!

I about had a heart attack the other day when I found out that The Banana Splits Show was making a comeback. I used to love that show. One banana, two banana, three banana four - hum dee dumdy dumdy dumdy nunnanunn nun. They used to crack me up. I didn’t like the cartoons they showed, but I about peed my pants laughing whenever those people in suits came on the screen. Go here to check out The Banana Splits.

I just read that The Electric Company will be making a comeback in January 2009 on PBS. Will it come on after Sesame Street like it used to? I have no idea.

Why am I so excited about this? I have no idea. Will Dusty’s Treehouse or New Zoo Review make a comeback? How about Gigglesnort Hotel? Oh, my.

How about the Bugaloos? The Bugaloos, the bugaloos, they’re in the air and everywhere. Flying high, flying low, flying free as a summer breeze.

I was so obsessed with the Bugaloos that I named my kitten Sparky. What a silly kid I was. Still am.

Funny T-Shirts & Bumper Stickers

Thanks, Martha (I think I like the second one the best!)

The Genius That Is Chris Knight

I have been in love with Chris Knight since the very first time I heard him years and years ago. Every song Chris Knight puts out, I fall in love with. This guy is a talented singer and most importantly one hell of a songwriter.

You've got to give a listen to this - sorry can't embed it: It Ain't Easy Being Me (sometimes my anthem)

Here's William (the beginning is cut off, but that's okay):

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Southern Skinny Dippin'

An elderly man in North Carolina had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up really nice, along with some picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. When he came closer, he realized it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end to shield themselves.

One of the women shouted to him, 'We're not coming out until you leave!'

The old man frowned and replied, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.'

Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator.'

Moral of the story: Old men may move slow but can still think fast.

Thanks, Martha

Are You A Republican, A Democrat, Or A Texan?

Here is a little test that will help you decide.

The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.

Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner , locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you.

You are carrying a Colt 1911 cal. 45 semiautomatic pistol, and you are an expert shot.

You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What
do you do?

Democrat's Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!

Does the man look poor or oppressed?

Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

Could we run away?

What does my wife think?

What about the kids?

Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?

What does the law say about this situation?

Does the Colt have appropriate safety built into it?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?

Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he becontent just to wound me?

If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?

Should I call 9-1-1?

Why is this street so deserted?

We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed day and make this happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.

This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for few days and try to come to a consensus.

Republican's Answer:


Texan's Answer:


BANG! Click..... (Sounds of reloading)


BANG! Click

Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?'

Son: 'Can I shoot the next one!'

Wife: 'You ain't taking that to the Taxidermist!

Thanks, Mom

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Jenny The Elephant

Hey, treehuggers or elephant huggers or whatever you call yourselves, leave Jenny the Elephant alone. She's not going to Mexico or Tennessee. She's staying where she has been for the last 22 years of her life - in Dallas. The damn zoo is making her a 4-acre spread to hang out in and is bringing her in a new buddy in October. Now that's not enough? Get over yourselves.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Adam & Eve

We all know this story!!!

Adam and Eve said, 'Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us.'

And God said, 'I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves.'

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve. And it was a good animal And God was pleased.

And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail.

And Adam said, 'Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.'

And God said, 'I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG.'

And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them.
And they were comforted.
And God was pleased.
And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, 'Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well.'

And God said, 'I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration.'

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.

And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings.

And Adam and Eve learned humility.
And they were greatly improved.

And God was pleased . . . . .

And Dog was happy. . . . .

And Cat didn't give a shit one way or other.

Thanks, Big Daddy

Check Out This Post

I thought about just copying and pasting this post from my other blog, but this is easier. Go check it out.

Cracked's 20 Baby Products Great For Traumatizing Infants

Want To Drive Your Dog Insane While You're At Work

I saw this dog bowl over on Rare Bird Finds and thought it was funny. It's called the Chatterbowl.

Just fill up the bowl with water or food and leave a pre-recorded message and every time Fluffy or Fido comes to get a drink or eat, they'll hear your voice.

I don't know why, but in my head I see someone leaving a message saying something like, "Hey, Fido, be a good boy." Then when you get home from work, you find Fido passed out on the floor from exhaustion and your couch all torn up and feathers and pillows everywhere, claw marks on the door frames, sheetrock powder all over the place because Fido has been doing everything he can to find you and your ass has been at work all day. Oh, psych, Fido, that was just your new fancy dog bowl; that wasn't really me, boy.

Monday, August 18, 2008

What To Do With Empty Wine Bottles

I read about this thing in the local paper. I thought it was a cool idea - especially if you're a wino and your plants are all dying.

It's called the Wine Bottle Plant Nanny. You can get them for regular bottles as well, like old 2-liters. But that wouldn't look near as cool as a wine bottle stuck in your half-dead ivy.

They're $15.99 for a set of 4 at Olive Barn.