Saturday, February 16, 2008

Before I Was A Mom...

Before I was a Mom,
I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom -
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.

I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.
I slept all night.
Before I was a Mom,
I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put her down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't
stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom
I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so
important and happy.

Before I was a Mom -
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night
every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.

I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache,
the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much,
before I was a Mom.
Thanks, Gretch

Friday, February 15, 2008

New Fragrance

Thanks, Beck

For The Youngsters

If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning ... Uphill, BOTH ways. Yadda, yadda, yadda

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But now that I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!

And I hate to say it but, you kids today don't know how good you've got it!

1. When I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!

2. There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter .. With a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!

3. There were no MP3's or Napsters! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!

4. We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it!

5. And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

6. We didn't have any fancy Sony Play station video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like ' Space Invaders' and 'asteroids' and the graphics were horrible! Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

7. When you went to the movie theater there was no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy or some old broad with a hat sat in front of you and you couldn't see, you were just screwed!

8. Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 15 channels and there was no onscreen menu! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on!

And there was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons!

9. And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove or go build a fire ... Imagine that! If we wanted popcorn, we had to use that stupid Jiffy Pop thing or a pan with HOT oil and Real popcorn kernels and shake it all over the stove forever like an idiot.

10. When we were on the phone with our friends and our parents walked-in, we were stuck to the wall with a cord, a 7 foot cord that ran to the phone - not the phone base, the actual phone. We barely had enough length to sit on the floor and still be able to twirl the phone cord in our fingers. If you suddenly had to go to the bathroom - guess what we had to do.....hang up and talk to them later.

That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled. You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980!

Thanks, Michaela

Thursday, February 14, 2008

What Happens When You Sleep Around

I call this a Zebrass.

Thanks, Tim

Ghost Hunters International

GHI, you're going to have to step it up a notch or two. EVPs aren't doing it for me.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008


Is there a magic cutoff period when
Offspring become accountable for their own
Actions? Is there a wonderful moment when
Parents can become detached spectators in
The lives of their children and shrug, "It's
Their life," and feel nothing?

When I was in my twenties , I stood in a hospital
Corridor waiting for doctors to put a few
Stitches in my daughter's head. I asked, "When do
You stop worrying?" The nurse said,
"When they get out of the accident stage." My
Dad just smiled faintly and said nothing.

When I was in my thirties , I sat on a little
Chair in a classroom and heard how one of my
Children talked incessantly, disrupted the class,
And was headed for a career making
License plates. As if to read my mind, a teacher
Said, "Don't worry, they all go through
This stage and then you can sit back, relax and
Enjoy them." My dad just smiled
Faintly and said nothing.

When I was in my forties , I spent a lifetime
Waiting for the phone to ring, the cars to come
Home, the front door to open. A friend said,
"They're trying to find themselves. Don't worry,
In a few years, you can stop worrying. They'll be
Adults." My dad just smiled faintly
And said nothing.

By the time I was 50, I was sick & tired of being
Vulnerable. I was still worrying over my
Children, but there was a new wrinkle. There
Was nothing I could do about it. My
Dad just smiled faintly and said nothing. I
Continued to anguish over their failures, be
Tormented by their frustrations and absorbed in
Their disappointments.

My friends said that when my kids got married I
Could stop worrying and lead my own
Life. I wanted to believe that, but I was
Haunted by my dad's warm smile and his
Occasional, "You look pale. Are you all right?
Call me the minute you get home. Are
You depressed about something?"

Can it be that parents are sentenced to a
Lifetime of worry? Is concern for one another
Handed down like a torch to blaze the trail of
Human frailties and the fears of the
Unknown? Is concern a curse or is it a virtue
That elevates us to the highest form of life?

One of my children became quite irritable
Recently, saying to me, "Where were you? I've been
Calling for 3 days, and no one answered I was worried."
I smiled a warm smile.
The torch has been passed.

Thanks, Martha...Hope you're feeling better.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Loco Update

I took Loco back to the vet today for them to re-check his electrolytes. The girl at the front desk told us Saturday that there would be no charge for this. Thank God, because it cost us almost $400 Saturday.

Anyway, I took Shorty with me today. The tech finally comes out to get Loco and take him back to take his blood. We wait and sit and sit and wait and the doctor comes walking out carrying Loco back to us in his crate. The doctor says, "I re-checked Loco and he has a ruptured ear drum." I almost fell on the freakin floor. I said, What? She said, "He was not only holding his head down today, but down and to the right, so I checked his ear and his ear drum has ruptured. We're mixing up some steroids for you to take home to give to him." And with that, she turns and walks back into the back.

It takes a few minutes for reality to sink in. We spent $400 in here Saturday to save Loco's life. He was seconds away from kidney failure - or that's basically what Loco's vet told us. Now you're telling me that he really had a busted ear drum and he's not going to die a slow, painful death from kidney failure?

I go up to the front desk clerk and say, I'm not really one to complain, but I have to complain on this deal. She promptly shuts me up and tells me she'll ask the vet to speak to me. In the meantime, while I'm waiting on the vet, the tech comes back out to where I'm sitting and says, "We need to get more blood from Loco." I said, "What? You have to stick him again to do tests for the busted ear drum?" She looked at me like I was insane and says, "I didn't know he had a ruptured ear drum. We have to draw more blood because the machine messed up and the blood didn't spin down right."

To make this long story as short as I possibly can, the vet said she checked Loco's ears Saturday and his ear drum was not ruptured then. His kidneys are improving. Then they charged me $50 when there was supposed to be no charge. They took $20 off that because I griped a little. Whatever. My only question is this: If Loco's ear drum busted after we left the vet, was it not the size of a freakin watermelon when the vet looked at it Saturday? It had to have been huge. If that's the case, I would have been charged $45 for an office visit and $8 for steroids, not $400 for a urinalysis, blood work, three different kinds of meds.

Why does this kind of shit always happen to me? Oh, and learn, live and learn.

(If I didn't spell something right in this novel I just wrote, then sorry, but spell check has not work for weeks now on Blogger.)

Number One Reason To Buy A Wii

Mini-Me Personalized Doll

All you do is upload a photo and pay $73 thru PayPal and in less than 2 weeks you get your Mini-Me doll that looks just like you. Only, it’s about 6 inches tall.

The Thirst Mutilator

This reminds me of Papa Rooster and his Rooster Boosters from Q-T. And if he can't get his Rooster Booster, he settles for a Rock Star. That crap stinks to me - just smells weird.


Butt Implants Gone Wrong - Watch more free videos

Don't Be A Weekend Parent

After Nearly 55 Years Of Marriage...

After nearly 55 years of marriage, a couple were lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn't in quite some time.

It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down over her breasts, stopping just over her lower stomach.

He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, caressed past the side of her breast again, working down her side, passed gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf.

Then, he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.

As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, "Honey, that was wonderful. Why did you stop?" "I found the remote," he mumbled.

Thanks, Mom

Houston Mom Starts Online Toy Rental Service

My sister emailed me this story. It is such a great idea!

By LIZ AUSTIN PETERSON, Associated Press Writer
Sun Feb 10, 3:09 PM ET

HOUSTON - After scouring the Internet to fill her house with only the best toys for her infant twin sons, Lori Pope hated to watch the clutter build as the boys lost interest.

If you can rent movies, video games and even handbags online, she thought, why not toys?

That's the idea behind Baby Plays, a Web-based company Pope launched in October that allows parents to receive four or six toys in the mail every month, assembled and ready for playtime.

Call it Netflix for the toddler set.

Baby Plays subscribers visit the company's Web site to browse among nearly 200 toys for newborns through preschoolers. Customers build a wish list of toys they'd like to rent, and Pope's staff ships them to their door.

"It's going to take a load off of moms," Pope said.

The program has been great for Heidi Borden, a financial analyst from the Houston suburb of Katy who used to dread shopping for toys with her now 11-month-old daughter and 2-year-old son.

"She wants to get on the floor and he's running down the aisle and I'm just stressed to pick out something really good really quick, get in and out," said Borden, 39. "It's just a lot nicer to be able to do this online and not worry about if it's something that they don't like."

As the co-owner of an oilfield supply business, Pope also didn't have a lot of time to shop. To save time, money and space, she searched the Internet for a toy rental company. When she couldn't find one, she decided to start her own.

Pope started with 10 customers, shipping toys out of spare office space in her business. Now she's got about 200 customers nationwide, including about 40 grandparents, and is preparing to move into a 3,000-square-foot warehouse next door.

She has spent $250,000 of the money she's made from her other business to get the company off the ground, from buying toys and hiring employees to subletting the office and storage space. She still pours about $12,000 a month into the company but hopes to begin turning a profit by this fall.

Customers pay $28.99 a month to get four toys a month for three months and $35.99 a month to get six toys a month for three months. Families willing to sign a yearlong contract can get six toys a month for $31.99.

Baby Plays' inventory includes popular toys by brands such as VTech, LeapFrog and Playskool as well as more obscure European manufacturers. Pope keeps at least seven of each kind of toy in stock so she can fulfill almost every request. She plans to double her inventory over the next two months.

Pope mainly stocks sturdy, easy-to-clean toys with few parts or parts that are easily replaced. She searches Web sites and catalogs for popular toys that are appropriate for small children and meet all European and American safety standards.

Once a new toy comes in, Pope invites Houston-area customers and their children to her office for some hands-on testing. If the kids love them, she'll order more. If they ignore the toy or lose interest just a few minutes, it's cut.

The toys are sanitized with Clorox wipes and loaded with fresh batteries before being shrink wrapped and boxed for shipment. The few toys that are too big to be shipped fully assembled are boxed with a screwdriver and instructions.

Families generally keep the toys for one month and then send them back in the box they came in, using a postage-paid return label the company includes with each shipment. Most parents know that's long enough for little kids to exhaust their interest.

But it's no big deal if the little one wants to hang on to a couple of toys for several months, Pope said. Parents can just exchange the toys they don't want, and new toys are shipped out as the old ones are returned.

Pope also keeps a close eye on the merchandise, yanking toys that are broken or more than "gently worn" and donating them to needy families nominated by her customers.

"If it has a little scratch on it, we're not going to take it out of the program," she said. But, "we're not going to ever send anybody anything that they're going to feel like is junk."

Each type of toy is also tested for lead paint when a new shipment arrives from the wholesaler, Pope said. She also avoids toys with small pieces that a child could break off and choke on.

The lead testing was a big selling point for Regina Rubin Cody, a Cleveland mother of 8-month-old twin girls.

"With the two babies it's kind of a handful," she said. "To be able to have one less thing to worry about offers kind of a real peace of mind."


Baby Plays:

(Tried to go to website but it said service temporarily unavailable.)