Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Never Cheat On A Hillbilly Woman

A hillbilly's wife came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman. With superhuman strength, borne of fury and cutting firewood, she dragged him down the stairs, out the back door, and into the tool shed out back of the barn. She put his tally whacker in a vice, then secured it tightly and removed the handle. Next she picked up an old carpenter's saw.

The banged up hillbilly was terrified, and hollered, "STOP! STOP! You're not gonna cut it off with that rusty damn saw, are you?

The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, put the saw in her husband's' hand and said, 'Nope, I'm gonna set this old shed on fire, and go to town for a cold beer. You do whatever you want!

Thanks, Peggy

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Original Pole Dancer

video

4th Grade Biology

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students.

"Human beings are the only animals that stutter," she says.

A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered."

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

"Well," she began, "I was in the backyard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!"

"That must've been scary," said the teacher.

"It sure was," said the little girl. "My kitty raised his back, went Sssss, Sssss, Sssss and before he could say Shit, the Rottweiler ate him!”

The teacher wet her pants laughing.

Thanks, Peggy