Saturday, December 22, 2007

Always Maxi Pads

I received this in an email from my niece. Doing a little research to see if this was true or not, I came across this funny lady's blog (the author of the letter). It's called Wendi Aarons. Go check it out.

Anyway, here's the letter:

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your Always Maxi Pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuardCore(tm) or Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts.

But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from 'the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my 'time of the month' is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills'. Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying, and out-of-control behaviour. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants...which brings me to the reason for my letter.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you f**king kidding me? Does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling,laughing happiness is possible during a period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Kmart armed with a hunting rifle
and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put Down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullsh**. And that's a promise I will keep.

Best Always,
Wendi Aarons

Hand Bell Hero

Sort of like Guitar Hero I guess. I've never played Guitar Hero, so I don't know. But this Hand Bell Hero is pretty hard. Give it a try.

"Here's a nice addicting game.Pick up your hand bells and give Hand Bell Hero a whirl. Keep an eye on the scrolling scale in the middle of the screen. As the notes pass, hit the corresponding key (a,s,d, or f) to play the song. The more notes you get right, the happier the scene besomes. The more you miss, the more havoc is wreaked on this winter wonderland."

Dogs In Clothes & Their Deep Thoughts

This Is What They Are Thinking (At the end of every sentence, please add the words: I ain't got no thumbs, People.)

There are a ton more if you follow the link.

Via: The Presurfer

Friday, December 21, 2007

Creatures With Human Faces

Via The Presurfer:

"Whether the result of evolution or the inventive efforts of mankind - here are five creatures that display amusing, in some cases disturbing, human features."

This human-faced carp freaks me out. So does the spider.


Find the right name for your baby, read fun facts about your own name and get to know some of the wackiest celebrity baby names. Read about the meaning of your surname and discover your name's origin. Track the rise and fall of naming trends over the years, and see where your favorite names rank on the list.

Do you and your name go together like a black suit and brown shoes? Find out what you should have been named, based on your personality traits.
Based on the Renamer, one of the names I should have been given is Shu Fang??


Thursday, December 20, 2007

Smart Or Stoopid?

Guess I'm pretty stupid.

You try: Smartorstoopid

Nine Words Women Use

1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5. Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6. That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.

8. Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F@!K YOU!

9. Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3.

Thanks, Wendy

Will DFW Get A White Christmas This Year?

I'm like a kid in a candy store thinking about this:

Will we get a white Christmas?

So the forecast shows lows at ALMOST freezing on Christmas Eve and Day. So could we get any snow? Even just a little bit??

"We're going to have some very light precipitation chances overnight on the 24th, and very early Christmas morning, probably before most people wake up," said Jason Dunn, a meteorologist with the National Weather Service. "Right now, it looks like it'll be a little too warm for any wintry precipitation. ... We don't have any snow chances."

So kids, get a-wishin'!

But on the bright side, parents might be able to finish their Christmas shopping in shorts. Friday's high will be 72, according to the weather service.

Here's the forecast:

Friday: 72/51. Sunny during the day, then cloudy, possible showers.

Saturday: 54/37. Windy, 60% chance of rain, calming down at night.

Sunday: 50/37. Mostly sunny, little wind. Then partly cloudy at night.

Monday (Christmas Eve): 46/35. Clouds.

Tuesday (Christmas Day): 45/34. Some clouds.

Smackdown In An Elevator

Is this girl one of the VonErichs?

Via: Bits & Pieces

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Montana State Trooper

Emergency Survival Kits

Ms. & Mrs. is the leading innovator of Special Occasion Survival Kits. The outside is hip. The inside is practical. The result is a chic collection of survival kits to help you conquer life's little emergencies.

The shemergency kit above:
What are shemergencies? They're the beauty blunders, fashion faux pas, and personal care predicaments that keep women from looking and feeling their best. Say so long to minor mishaps with the Shemergency Survival Kit, new from Ms. & Mrs. This portable, silver mesh case comes packed with 24 compact solutions for life's little emergencies. From daytime to playtime, the Shemergency Survival Kit is first-aid for gals on-the-go. $20.

Here's a list of emergency/survival kits you can get:
Wedding Day
The Groom's
The Bridesmaid's
Labor & Delivery
Working Girl's
Working Guy's

Emergency Survival Kits

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

squirrelly lint brush

This lil’ squirrelly friend imported from Japan is so ready to be put to good use! The everyday lint brush just became the cutest thing in your house. Very limited quantities.

squirrelly lint brush

Via: Rare Bird Finds

The Santa Mobile

Via: Blame It On The Voices

Monday, December 17, 2007

Air Force test

From Bits & Pieces:

If you can go longer than 18 seconds you are phenomenal. It's been said that the US Air Force uses this for fighter pilots. They are expected to go for at least 2 minutes.

Give it a try but be is addictive!!

Air Force Test

What you have to do is click on to the red square in the centre and move it out of the way of the moving black squares and rectangles without touching the side walls. Like evading attacking aircraft.

I lasted a little over 12 seconds after about 6 tries.

'Leprechaun Bandit' Sentenced To Prison

"A man dubbed the "Leprechaun Bandit" who pleaded guilty in August to two counts of bank robbery was sentenced Friday to 14 years in prison, prosecutors said."

I'm sorry, but this story reminds me of this video:

Leprechaun Hunt

Posted Mar 29, 2006

A leprechaun hunt is underway in Alabama, where some local residents have claimed to have seen the mythical Irish creature.

TickleMe Plant

Via Rare Bird Finds:

"This plant looks like a great kid gift. The TickleMe plant moves when you touch it (because it is ticklish of course!) and curls up and goes to sleep at night. $4.95 for a packet of seeds at TickleMe Plant."

Kind of freaky, but a portion of all sales will go to help save the Rain Forests.

Recycled Christmas Tree

My mother sent me this in an email. The subject line was Redneck Christmas Tree. I'm more inclined to think of this as a recycled Christmas Tree. Nevertheless, it's a great idea and I think it looks cool.

How To Coil A Rope

Sunday, December 16, 2007

I Could Be Wrong

This probably isn't suitable for work or for little shorties but it's damn funny.

The Man Cold Rears Its Ugly Head

I had to share this. If you read one of my posts from yesterday, you'll know that Shorty was sick (she's much better today). You'll also know that I was sick the day before yesterday. Shorty and I were both throwing-up sick. To me, that's worse than a cold, but who am I to judge?

Anyway, Papa Rooster has a "man cold." He's had it for almost a week now. Yesterday, Shorty was feeling a little better. Papa Rooster says to her, and I quote (well, I'll try to quote him) "Remember, Baby, you can never feel worse than Dada because Dada has a Dada cold."

Papa Rooster really tries to be funny sometimes. Sometimes he succeeds and sometimes he fails and sometimes he fails miserably. Which one of the three categories do you think that little comment falls into?

You Are My Sunshine

Beautiful Pictures of Beautiful Waterfalls


Via: Presurfer

How Many Five Year Olds Could You Take In A Fight?

Watch out five-year-olds. I can take down 16 of yous-guys.