Dear Oxi Clean Guy - To Whom It May Concern

Whoever writes these cracks me up. This is one of my favorites:

"Dear Oxi Clean Guy,

Wednesday, February 28th, 2007 in Hate

I’d like to know what you’re on. I can’t begin to imagine the pharmaceutical cocktail you’d have to commune with in order to be so consistently engergized. It’s like everything is better than the next thing. Like stain removal is communicating with God directly. Not only are you removing stains, but sins. You come to me through my TV in the middle of the night, when I can’t sleep and I’m watching the History Channel half awake. And you’re shouting. Always with the evangelistic zeal.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a consumer whore. I want to be sold things. I am merely a vessel for advertising. I want outlandish claims - except for you, toothpaste companies, take your shit peddling elsewhere. Special twofers? I’m there. But I don’t get it. I’ve used OxiClean. But it really wasn’t that awesome, and it didn’t take away the sting of bad decision making. At all.

I was surprised today to see you in a commercial advertising a lint trap brush. Are the guys at Oxi Clean not paying you enough? I don’t understand. Is this the beginning of the tapering off of your hype-man career? Are we going to have to watch you spiral like the Dell Guy?

I guess if this is the end, I’m sure you’re the kind of guy who’d keep fighting until the end."

Dear Oxi Clean Guy, « To Whom It May Concern